Day5:

I have found it very helpful to read the posting of others in this group. I am humbled and feel more grounded to find that others fight the same fight daily. I am not alone. This gives me strength. I woke up this morning trying to figure out a way I could manipulate monies (that I do not have) into one "last trip".  This is very similar to an abusive relationship where I am convincing myself that they didn't mean to hurt me and they will never do that again. I've got to give them "one last chance to make this right". I will never recover all the monies I have spent. That is the truth. I need to let that fly right out the window. Its gone. Today I feel a bit more sane, I'm still scared. As if someone is going to back me into a corner and read me the riot act about my finances. I have to be my own policeman in this fight. I am committed to change. I don't like where I am right now, so I am going to change it. Straight up! I am ready for my daily battle. I will work this until it works.
To all who are struggling today...may you find a blessing in your abstinence today.