day twenty six? i think.

yeah.
so i've been on mtx just a couple of days shy of a month.
no improvement.  if anything, i feel worse.
i still have very bad fatigue.  i get horrible headaches.  most of my joints hurt - my wrists and hips are the worst still.  but my ankles are starting to pose serious problems.
my acne is out of control.  it makes me not want to leave the house.  is that mtx?  my face wash?  the stress?  who the hell knows.
it seems like i'm having some vision changes too.  it could be related to the ongoing headaches because sometimes my vision seems completely normal.  other times, like now, it seems a little hard to focus and my eyes get dry.  
i have muscle aches too.  not sure if that's stress or how i'm sleeping or if i'm holding my body differently because of the joint pain.  my back is all jacked up.
and i've also noticed a lot more creaking and knocking and popping.  most recently in my lower back.  it doesn't hurt, it just freaks me out.
i keep trying to be positive and focus on other things.  it's just like impossible because so many things are bothering me.  so many things are changing.  i can't wash myself the same as i used to.  i can't pick up the pitcher i make my iced green tea in when it's full, unless i use two hands.  i can't open many of the jars that are in the house.  
it's just, whatever.  and aside from anyone on this board it feels like no one cares.  i feel bad talking about it to other people but i feel like i need to.  i spent hours with a girlfriend the other night and she went on and on about her shit.  when i tried to bring up my shit, she just like ignored it.  
barely a month in.  i'm over it.  i know it should get better, i know it.  i just don't know how i'm supposed to make it.  how i'm supposed to 'live' while waiting for this.  how i'm supposed to work and drive in traffic and cook and write and go to school and take care of my cats and clean the house and whateverthef*ckelse i'm doing.