day thoughts
Sometimes it feels like I am two separate people when it comes to my addiction. One person can see that what I am doing is harming me, harming others and just doesn't make any sense. The other person just cant get enough, constantly looking for the next way to get money to go gamble with. This other person in me has no morals, has no soul, has no feelings except sadness and a desire to hurt the real me. The other person makes me feel pain. For years, this person I don't like has been controlling my life and my actions. I really really want to take control back. No more will I live with all these secrets and this shame. I know that this journey will not be easy, but if I want my life back I must go on it. I want my life back and I will take it back. I want to though, and when I really think about it, that is all that matters. Deep down, I really want to stop.
Replies
I completely understand what you are going through. I\'ve wrote many journals called \"me\" and \"I\" precisely referring to what you are facing. My recovery effort is just that, not only stop gambling but to become a whole person. It is a hard and tough road but at the same time the most fulfilling process I\'ve ever experienced. I am glad you are here, I am happy that you are facing who you really is and your pledge to become who you really want to be. Keep walking this journey, you are so worth it!
Love,
Victoria