day.... thirty three?
how am i supposed to live and have RA? i'm trying to do homework, do housework, take care of myself, take care of my family, work part time, cook occasionally, hang out with friends once a week to save my sanity, go food shopping, omfg it's stupid.
i used to work full time, go to school almost full time year round (9 credits a trimester), help clean the house (my husband did a lot, including laundry), cook 5-6 nights a week, food shop, take care of the cats, hang out with friends, do homework, and see family once in a while - and yes, i was tired sometimes, but it wasn't horrible.
i did this all without much trouble until last march. that's when my left wrist really started bothering me and i started feeling a little strung out. dh and i discussed it and tried to find ways to make it easier. he did more of the housework and helped me food shop sometimes. neither of us had a ton of time to see friends, but we made it a point to see people at least once a week, either family or friends or whoever. by that may, i was over it - my doctor said my wrist was minor carpal tunnel most likely, my hips were my weight, and everything else was fine.
i started applying for jobs in my field - counseling. i went on a ton of interviews and had a couple of offers. i settled on a part time job working with the mentally ill (at the very bottom of the ladder) and hoped to focus on school work. i left the full time job at the end of june, decided to help my dad at his place one day a week for a few extra bucks, and worked three evenings a week at a social program for mentally ill people. i had a lot of time to focus on school work, house work, and friends.
come august, i hated the job. no one told me some of these people would be REALLY low functioning and pee in my car. my leased car. so i went on the hunt for new work. i ended up quitting before i even had another job lined up because i could work two days a week at my dad's place and make as much money. i finally went to an orthopedist about my wrist and he told me i had a 'long ulna' and there was nothing wrong with me.
i didn't like that, so i took it upon myself to call a rheumy. by this time, i was severely fatigued - napping every day before work, even after sleeping a full 8 hours at night. i'd be tired all the time. i didn't want to do housework, homework, or hang out with friends. both wrists hurt, my fingers, my hips, my back.
and now, here we are. i've gotten my RA dx, i take my mtx, i still sleep a lot, i still don't want to do anything. i struggle to get through my homework, i struggle to get through the commute to my dad's place. i'm still waiting on federal and state background checks to come back so i can start my job. i'm supposed to do my internship this spring and i don't even know if i want to finish school some days.
joints or parts of my body that seem to be involved (or at least hurt like hell) now include: wrists, fingers, thumbs, shoulders, neck, jaw, hips, ankles, feet. i have a headache more often than not. and the newest thing is i seem to be battling the start of (sorry men) a yeast infection. which i never get. the last time was in like 2003 when i was on cipro. a bit of googling and other women report similar things with mtx. because there's no other reason for me to have one. now, even intimacy with my husband is being changed because of the RA.
a new normal. i keep saying i'm trying to adjust to my new normal. f*ck my new normal.
i used to work full time, go to school almost full time year round (9 credits a trimester), help clean the house (my husband did a lot, including laundry), cook 5-6 nights a week, food shop, take care of the cats, hang out with friends, do homework, and see family once in a while - and yes, i was tired sometimes, but it wasn't horrible.
i did this all without much trouble until last march. that's when my left wrist really started bothering me and i started feeling a little strung out. dh and i discussed it and tried to find ways to make it easier. he did more of the housework and helped me food shop sometimes. neither of us had a ton of time to see friends, but we made it a point to see people at least once a week, either family or friends or whoever. by that may, i was over it - my doctor said my wrist was minor carpal tunnel most likely, my hips were my weight, and everything else was fine.
i started applying for jobs in my field - counseling. i went on a ton of interviews and had a couple of offers. i settled on a part time job working with the mentally ill (at the very bottom of the ladder) and hoped to focus on school work. i left the full time job at the end of june, decided to help my dad at his place one day a week for a few extra bucks, and worked three evenings a week at a social program for mentally ill people. i had a lot of time to focus on school work, house work, and friends.
come august, i hated the job. no one told me some of these people would be REALLY low functioning and pee in my car. my leased car. so i went on the hunt for new work. i ended up quitting before i even had another job lined up because i could work two days a week at my dad's place and make as much money. i finally went to an orthopedist about my wrist and he told me i had a 'long ulna' and there was nothing wrong with me.
i didn't like that, so i took it upon myself to call a rheumy. by this time, i was severely fatigued - napping every day before work, even after sleeping a full 8 hours at night. i'd be tired all the time. i didn't want to do housework, homework, or hang out with friends. both wrists hurt, my fingers, my hips, my back.
and now, here we are. i've gotten my RA dx, i take my mtx, i still sleep a lot, i still don't want to do anything. i struggle to get through my homework, i struggle to get through the commute to my dad's place. i'm still waiting on federal and state background checks to come back so i can start my job. i'm supposed to do my internship this spring and i don't even know if i want to finish school some days.
joints or parts of my body that seem to be involved (or at least hurt like hell) now include: wrists, fingers, thumbs, shoulders, neck, jaw, hips, ankles, feet. i have a headache more often than not. and the newest thing is i seem to be battling the start of (sorry men) a yeast infection. which i never get. the last time was in like 2003 when i was on cipro. a bit of googling and other women report similar things with mtx. because there's no other reason for me to have one. now, even intimacy with my husband is being changed because of the RA.
a new normal. i keep saying i'm trying to adjust to my new normal. f*ck my new normal.
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