day three
i woke up... well, badly. the left side of my body is in some kind of battle with itself. my left wrist, shoulder, ankle, and like entire foot are very painful. my hips and knees hurt on both sides. this is probably the most involved joints i've noticed. i had trouble making coffee this morning, picking things up with my left hand. :(
i've had this low-grade queasiness since yesterday. it reminds me of cruising, when it's a bit rougher than you'd like but not rough enough to make you really queasy. kind of like a background queasy that i notice if i am not busy noticing other things. it doesn't seem to be affecting my ability to drink coffee, so obviously it's not a concern!
i'm not going to work today- i work two days a week in the city with my dad. it's a two-hour commute each way and it was brutal yesterday. i feel bad, like i'm letting my dad down. this is a huge issue in my life and has nothing to do with RA, but at certain times of my life it really surfaces. i told my dad i was taking a drug for my RA that might affect me more than the RA does for a while. he doesn't get it. so yesterday at work i got frustrated because i was in pain and sleepy and queasy and just angry about everything. and he happened to walk in on my frustration and was like 'what did i say?' just another example of his self-centered world. ugh i'll stop ranting lol. i should probably find a therapist.
but those cost money. our budget is very, very tight until i get a job. i've been waiting to hear back on a counseling position. of course, that terrifies me now because i'll be leading groups of people with germs. aside from the fact that it would be my first counseling position and i'm not even done with school. it's a good job with a non-profit and my favorite professor would be my supervisor. she's turned into a kind of mentor and i'm really looking forward to working with her.... when i hear back.
i'm just, you know. it's a lot. i already have other mental health issues, so adding this on top of that is a lot.
i've had this low-grade queasiness since yesterday. it reminds me of cruising, when it's a bit rougher than you'd like but not rough enough to make you really queasy. kind of like a background queasy that i notice if i am not busy noticing other things. it doesn't seem to be affecting my ability to drink coffee, so obviously it's not a concern!
i'm not going to work today- i work two days a week in the city with my dad. it's a two-hour commute each way and it was brutal yesterday. i feel bad, like i'm letting my dad down. this is a huge issue in my life and has nothing to do with RA, but at certain times of my life it really surfaces. i told my dad i was taking a drug for my RA that might affect me more than the RA does for a while. he doesn't get it. so yesterday at work i got frustrated because i was in pain and sleepy and queasy and just angry about everything. and he happened to walk in on my frustration and was like 'what did i say?' just another example of his self-centered world. ugh i'll stop ranting lol. i should probably find a therapist.
but those cost money. our budget is very, very tight until i get a job. i've been waiting to hear back on a counseling position. of course, that terrifies me now because i'll be leading groups of people with germs. aside from the fact that it would be my first counseling position and i'm not even done with school. it's a good job with a non-profit and my favorite professor would be my supervisor. she's turned into a kind of mentor and i'm really looking forward to working with her.... when i hear back.
i'm just, you know. it's a lot. i already have other mental health issues, so adding this on top of that is a lot.
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