Day Three
So we are up to day 3 of writing 300 words. I am already stuck as to what to write...I said no problem but I have a problem....I cant begin to get a handle on my "illness" when Often and often I tell myself I don't even have an Illness. Just a stupid personality. Would you prefer to be stupid or crazy???? MMMM, big question!
I did buy a car I couldn't drive-showing off to my exboyfriend the car salesman....
I was elated after I realsied I could leave my boring ex-husband and return to Bryan-on the way home to Auckland I lost my voice....preacher's throat=talking, talking,talking....
I am confused as to how long these cycles have been, what triggers the downs and the ups, would I have been so loopy if Id been in a more stable environment?
Does medication mimic symptoms of mental illness?
I am lost for words....I am confused....I am lost............
Meantime I put on weight-is it from less exercise or side effect from medication? Or side effect of menopause?
Atleast I have stability here at Paturoa Road. Ivan does the same things every day...gets me tea in bed in the morning, makes breakfast, makes my lunch and cooks dinner....I am so lucky and hopefully grateful (am I?!). I am going to walk Arnie each morning as my contribution to the rhythm of our life.
Koon tells me to build on my relationship with Ivan-that when you have a good relationship you don't need anyone else. I still like to count my friends, but its not easy to see people when I live so far from town. I have to accept the setting I find myself in here and appreciate the beauty. The lovely beaches and the thick rainforest.
I wonder how long I'll be here for...suppose Ivan died, suppose we get sick of each other and I have to move. I worry about retiring without enough money, so Im determined to save as much as I can from now on.
I feel murky. I think murkily. I cant get a handle on what BiPolar means and whether or not I really have it. I have been on pills so long and none of them seemed to help the downs or the ups...but then the doctors say i could be so much worse without them. feel a Catch 22 situation here. You can't be sure you have symptoms without pills cos they wont let you off them in case you flip out but totally. How do I know I have bipolar....please can I come off the meds. I'll keep the prozac cos I am feeling happier since I started taking it. But maybe I just have depression?
I'm in a fog. (Is this 300 words? I cant be foofed counting!!!)
Stuck
Can't see my way forward so need to stay put and look around where i am here and now in this place in this moment.
I did buy a car I couldn't drive-showing off to my exboyfriend the car salesman....
I was elated after I realsied I could leave my boring ex-husband and return to Bryan-on the way home to Auckland I lost my voice....preacher's throat=talking, talking,talking....
I am confused as to how long these cycles have been, what triggers the downs and the ups, would I have been so loopy if Id been in a more stable environment?
Does medication mimic symptoms of mental illness?
I am lost for words....I am confused....I am lost............
Meantime I put on weight-is it from less exercise or side effect from medication? Or side effect of menopause?
Atleast I have stability here at Paturoa Road. Ivan does the same things every day...gets me tea in bed in the morning, makes breakfast, makes my lunch and cooks dinner....I am so lucky and hopefully grateful (am I?!). I am going to walk Arnie each morning as my contribution to the rhythm of our life.
Koon tells me to build on my relationship with Ivan-that when you have a good relationship you don't need anyone else. I still like to count my friends, but its not easy to see people when I live so far from town. I have to accept the setting I find myself in here and appreciate the beauty. The lovely beaches and the thick rainforest.
I wonder how long I'll be here for...suppose Ivan died, suppose we get sick of each other and I have to move. I worry about retiring without enough money, so Im determined to save as much as I can from now on.
I feel murky. I think murkily. I cant get a handle on what BiPolar means and whether or not I really have it. I have been on pills so long and none of them seemed to help the downs or the ups...but then the doctors say i could be so much worse without them. feel a Catch 22 situation here. You can't be sure you have symptoms without pills cos they wont let you off them in case you flip out but totally. How do I know I have bipolar....please can I come off the meds. I'll keep the prozac cos I am feeling happier since I started taking it. But maybe I just have depression?
I'm in a fog. (Is this 300 words? I cant be foofed counting!!!)
Stuck
Can't see my way forward so need to stay put and look around where i am here and now in this place in this moment.
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