day one thirty nine
yep, i'm still counting the days. why not?
i've been on methotrexate since september when i was diagnosed. i started with 6 pills, within two months i was on 8 pills. within three months of diagnosis i was starting a biologic medication. i love that my rheumy is being aggressive because everything i've read tays that you have to be aggressive in the first few months if you want to really treat your rheumatoid disease. what kind of bothers me is that NOTHING IS HAPPENING. well, nothing good.
let's list my crap right now. both wrists, all ten fingers - all joints, shoulders, particularly left, hips like woah, i think my SI joints, ankles and feet bones. oh, and my heel?!? which is really weird feeling. and i have never felt my toes so much. like, usually your toes are just there and you walk. i broke (shattered really) a toe years ago and felt the hell out of it then. but yesterday, all day, it's like i could feel the pain in each individual toe.
i feel like my left wrist is becoming deformed in some way. it's not moving the way it's supposed to or the way my right wrist does. and my left index finger is still twisting toward my middle finger at the top joint (DIP joint). which my rheumy still writes off as not RD. my middle finger on that hand seems to be twisting too. i had a discussion with a friend about that the other night. she asked what does it matter? our treatment now isn't working, isn't that the important thing? i guess she's right to a point - that's what is important. finding something that will control the disease and lower my pain. but this finger started twisting YEARS ago. i guess it makes me wonder when my RD became active. there are so many pains i've had for years, it makes me wonder. just ugh.
next appointment is in about a week and a half. i think she's going to stop my enbrel and move on. i'll have been on enbrel for 12 weeks at that point. i'm assuming my next option will be humira. so we can start the insurance hoops all over again. i'll be stopping all medication for at least two or three weeks though so i can finish up a teensy bit of work on some tattoos.
other than that, i'm having some cat issues. my oldest cat, piglet, is nine and a half years old. not old by cat years. but she's having trouble with one of her teeth and it's going to have to be extracted. it's her top right canine, and i'm sad that she'll have to lose a canine tooth. the vet said it's just dying and will rot so we have to pull it. he noted that the enamel had chipped off in a small spot and the dentin was exposed, and the toothy dying would happen naturally. but i have been keeping an eye on it and doing some research and i think it's FORL, feline odontoclastic resoroptive lesion - basically, cells called odontoclasts are in tooth defects (like chipped enamel?) and more or less cause the tooth to dissolve. it can get into the roots and cause issues in the jaw. cats who have one tooth affected will ultimately have more teeth affected. so i can't decide whether i should just let my vet pull the tooth and see what happens or go to the one veterinary dentist on long island and pay a premium to have her looked at. sigh.
it makes me very sad, like i've failed her. i know i haven't, but i feel like that. she's my baby and i love her so much. i just want to do what is best for her.
i've been on methotrexate since september when i was diagnosed. i started with 6 pills, within two months i was on 8 pills. within three months of diagnosis i was starting a biologic medication. i love that my rheumy is being aggressive because everything i've read tays that you have to be aggressive in the first few months if you want to really treat your rheumatoid disease. what kind of bothers me is that NOTHING IS HAPPENING. well, nothing good.
let's list my crap right now. both wrists, all ten fingers - all joints, shoulders, particularly left, hips like woah, i think my SI joints, ankles and feet bones. oh, and my heel?!? which is really weird feeling. and i have never felt my toes so much. like, usually your toes are just there and you walk. i broke (shattered really) a toe years ago and felt the hell out of it then. but yesterday, all day, it's like i could feel the pain in each individual toe.
i feel like my left wrist is becoming deformed in some way. it's not moving the way it's supposed to or the way my right wrist does. and my left index finger is still twisting toward my middle finger at the top joint (DIP joint). which my rheumy still writes off as not RD. my middle finger on that hand seems to be twisting too. i had a discussion with a friend about that the other night. she asked what does it matter? our treatment now isn't working, isn't that the important thing? i guess she's right to a point - that's what is important. finding something that will control the disease and lower my pain. but this finger started twisting YEARS ago. i guess it makes me wonder when my RD became active. there are so many pains i've had for years, it makes me wonder. just ugh.
next appointment is in about a week and a half. i think she's going to stop my enbrel and move on. i'll have been on enbrel for 12 weeks at that point. i'm assuming my next option will be humira. so we can start the insurance hoops all over again. i'll be stopping all medication for at least two or three weeks though so i can finish up a teensy bit of work on some tattoos.
other than that, i'm having some cat issues. my oldest cat, piglet, is nine and a half years old. not old by cat years. but she's having trouble with one of her teeth and it's going to have to be extracted. it's her top right canine, and i'm sad that she'll have to lose a canine tooth. the vet said it's just dying and will rot so we have to pull it. he noted that the enamel had chipped off in a small spot and the dentin was exposed, and the toothy dying would happen naturally. but i have been keeping an eye on it and doing some research and i think it's FORL, feline odontoclastic resoroptive lesion - basically, cells called odontoclasts are in tooth defects (like chipped enamel?) and more or less cause the tooth to dissolve. it can get into the roots and cause issues in the jaw. cats who have one tooth affected will ultimately have more teeth affected. so i can't decide whether i should just let my vet pull the tooth and see what happens or go to the one veterinary dentist on long island and pay a premium to have her looked at. sigh.
it makes me very sad, like i've failed her. i know i haven't, but i feel like that. she's my baby and i love her so much. i just want to do what is best for her.
Replies