day one fourteen
it's been over 100 days since my rd diagnosis. this week has been bad. my ankles, feet, wrists, and hands are not doing well. i'm trying to stay positive.
the snow isn't helping, i'm sure. it's not as cold as it was during the recent polar vortex ridiculousness, but it's still just around freezing. i try to use my heating blanket, but i get too hot and have to take it off. i'm afraid to take a hot bath because i'm afraid i won't be able to get out on my own.
today will be a day of nothing. i don't have anything to do. i'm thinking about baking but other than that, nothing. maybe i'll watch a movie, i know i'll watch some cartoons, maybe i'll write a bit, maybe i'll sleep.
i bet i sleep a lot. that's really all i want to do.
i've had a headache for months that never goes away. sometimes it's more toward the front, over my ears. i wonder how much my jaw is involved.
i bring stuff like that up to my rheumy and i feel like she discounts them. not that i'm lying, but that it's not important. what's important is making me feel better and stopping the disease from progressing. i suppose that's right.
i've been on methotrexate for over 100 days with very little noticeable difference in pain. i've been on enbrel for seven weeks today (taking my eight injection tonight) and have not seen any decrease in pain. if anything, my pain has spread and increased over the past one hundred days. there are more joints involved, there is more swelling, just ugh.
i have a new pain in my side, closest thing to the area is my liver. my last liver tests were normal, but i had more blood taken last week. hoping to call for the results today. if it's my liver, i don't know what i'll do. if the blood work is normal, i'll probably go to my gp and request an mri or whatever. maybe it's an ulcer. maybe it's a tumor. maybe it's nothing.
my mental state ebbs and flows. some days i'm more positive than others. interning takes my mind off of life. i can't wait to be done with my internship and be a counselor - four months to go. some days i'm more negative, and all i want to do is lie down and cry. or eat. or cry and eat. or lie down and eat. or ignore everything around me and just stare.
i'm thankful for my husband. i'm thankful that we have insurance. i'm thankful that we can try and treat my rd. but i can't remember to be grateful for it all when i'm in so much pain.
the snow isn't helping, i'm sure. it's not as cold as it was during the recent polar vortex ridiculousness, but it's still just around freezing. i try to use my heating blanket, but i get too hot and have to take it off. i'm afraid to take a hot bath because i'm afraid i won't be able to get out on my own.
today will be a day of nothing. i don't have anything to do. i'm thinking about baking but other than that, nothing. maybe i'll watch a movie, i know i'll watch some cartoons, maybe i'll write a bit, maybe i'll sleep.
i bet i sleep a lot. that's really all i want to do.
i've had a headache for months that never goes away. sometimes it's more toward the front, over my ears. i wonder how much my jaw is involved.
i bring stuff like that up to my rheumy and i feel like she discounts them. not that i'm lying, but that it's not important. what's important is making me feel better and stopping the disease from progressing. i suppose that's right.
i've been on methotrexate for over 100 days with very little noticeable difference in pain. i've been on enbrel for seven weeks today (taking my eight injection tonight) and have not seen any decrease in pain. if anything, my pain has spread and increased over the past one hundred days. there are more joints involved, there is more swelling, just ugh.
i have a new pain in my side, closest thing to the area is my liver. my last liver tests were normal, but i had more blood taken last week. hoping to call for the results today. if it's my liver, i don't know what i'll do. if the blood work is normal, i'll probably go to my gp and request an mri or whatever. maybe it's an ulcer. maybe it's a tumor. maybe it's nothing.
my mental state ebbs and flows. some days i'm more positive than others. interning takes my mind off of life. i can't wait to be done with my internship and be a counselor - four months to go. some days i'm more negative, and all i want to do is lie down and cry. or eat. or cry and eat. or lie down and eat. or ignore everything around me and just stare.
i'm thankful for my husband. i'm thankful that we have insurance. i'm thankful that we can try and treat my rd. but i can't remember to be grateful for it all when i'm in so much pain.
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