Day in, day out

Work is my life, my pleasure, my pain and most of all, my escape. At times I think, when I look around, that I am not alone in this path as most who I deal with daily follow the same road, holding hands with me, responding to my e-mails at 3:00am and chatting about absolutely nothing just so we know we are not alone out there.
Certanly this is related to loneliness, that sits in the hearts of all that live like I live. This is the most common feeling and not a new stat. Look around, and you will find those who smile and hide tears. Those who cry and yet are content in their misery doing nothing or little to change. Then very few emerge out of their shell to fight back and make a change for the better.
I wish I could be one of the few but I cannot cut the strings. And the reason why I cannot do this is because I look at the baby - who is my grandchild - so loving, so close to me - and the simple tought of what could happen to her if and when I am not there scares me. I would not be free. Every moment of my day would be wondering what is happening to her. She is only 16 months old, a happy child, laughing, a fighter, a cute bundle who is walking, singing her abcs up to G (oh, yeah!) and loves to dance on my lap watching Raffi's videos (from the 80's).
This is nothing different that I did for my daughter when she was young and at times I wonder: will she also grow up to be the same monster? Am I creating a monster all over again?
Only faith will show what comes next.
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Silly woman....your love did not create a monster in your daughter, nor will it in your granddaughter. You know this! You are not responsible for the chemical imbalances that cause this problem in some of your family.

And yet you take the responsibility and you try to put blame on yourself...please stop.

You know you have friends here who will talk to you, love you, help you, encourage you in whatever endeavor you decide on. Whether you stay or go...whether you stand up and fight or you hide....your friends will stand by the CMondo we care so much for....Your choice WILL be correct
deleted_user
deleted_user

I looked up bipolar disorder in child of bipolar parent. \"one bipolar parent or even 2 will not necessarily produce bipolar child. Studies report rate of bipolar disorder at 4% in child with one bipolar parent.\" This little baby will not grow up to be bipolar. I will pray on this CMondo.
Wdspirit said it so well. You are not responsible for your childs disease. Nurture that great spirit you have within.
It\'s hard to be with someone who is ill. Don\'t let her illness define who you are. Her spirit is separate from yours. There is much help out there for bipolar disease. Your daughter will have to decide on her how to deal with this disease and take steps. You have no control over this. You are doing everything you can.