day fifty

yup, day fifty.  fifty days that i've been on mtx.  or not - i skipped this week's dose.
why?  for multiple reasons.  one is that the swollen leg from a tattoo turned into cellulitis and i'm on a literal f*ckton of antibiotics.  one is that the stupid insurance company said they won't pay for it yet and i don't want to shell out a cool hundo for pills i hate anyway.  my rheumy is helping me set up the rx with my insurer's mail order thingy, so it will be even less expensive and i can get my mtx and folic acid in 90 day supplies.  i'm anticipating ordering my biologic the same way.  i go back to the rheumy in two weeks to set that up.
i'm feeling a bit more positive.  my thanksgiving was nice.  i have been talking a bit to my cousin - who's a couple of years younger than me - about ra.  she was dx'd a couple of years ago.  mtx didn't help her.  she's already run through enbrel and humira.  she's now on remicade infusions.  so it went quickly with her, too.  and she lives a nice, normalish life.  it's so hard right now, but i sort of can see how it can get better.
i also started my new internship today.  and have a job interview tomorrow for a per diem counselor position.  so i'm feeling a bit more positive all around, i guess.  not sure why.  but i am.  
although i'm effing tired.  even without the mtx.  my hubby said maybe taking a week (or two) off from mtx will help me see if it is helping me at all AND what extra side effects it's helping/contributing to/whatever.  he has a point, i think.  
what i really need to do is get my diet back on track.  (diet is a noun; i don't mean that i'm dieting.  i mean i've been eating like shite for weeks.)  i had pizza for dinner tonight, sushi last night, thanksgiving dinner twice last week.... ugh.  and i haven't cooked a proper dinner at home more than twice in the past week or ten days.  really have to get back on that.