Day Eleven

I was talking to my wife yesterday about how I was doing, and I realized that, for all the progress I think I've made, I still must deal every day with anger and feelings of isolation.  The two things are connected for me because they both relate to my upbringing.  I've spoken about my mother and her anger before, and I know that my anger at myself and at the world is directly related to the anger and rejection that I experienced from her while growing up.  She was hard on us, never praised us, and was quick to judge us harshly.  What I learned from her in the ultimate sense was that I couldn't trust her with my feelings and emotions.  My inability to trust her eventually lapped over into the rest of the world.  I have trust and intimacy issues to this very day because of that, and it has left me angry at her and myself.  
I have isolated myself from the world because of those issues, have probably rejected out of hand people that could have been good, supportive friends.  I'm both angry and sad about that  It pains me to be near the end of my life and to recognize that I have almost nobody to support me as I grow older.  I've tried to deal with this pain and anger in therapy, but have never really been able to put it to rest and move on. I manage to numb my feelings with drugs, or I suppose I'd never be able to carry on.  I don't think I've ever experienced a moment of true happiness because I don't like myself and I can't like anyone else.  If it weren't for my loyal and supportive wife, I'd really be up the creek.  
Logically speaking, I should be able to find a way out from under this pain and anger and the sense of loss I feel, but somehow I never do.  How do you write or talk yourself out from under a burden you've carried for most of five decades?  What direction do you go in?