Day Two

I hate when I get almost finished with a journal entry written only to lose it because I hit the wrong button!!!!!! Once more with feeling! I am almost finished with day 2 of no contact with my old family. I never got out of my pajamas today. Never opened the front door, never went outside. I have seen no one, talked to no one. But this is kind of for the best, tomorrow is pay day from my ex. He has decided totally on his own that he should pay me once a week $415.39, instead of what the judge ordered $1800 on the first of every month. My monthly bills are more than what I receive from his weekly payments, but when I had a lawyer, he claimed there was nothing to be done about it. I am trying not to think about my old family so this has to end.(writing about my ex) Tomorrow I play cards at the Clubhouse at 6pm, so at least I will get out of the house. This morning I wasn't feeling well, which is part of why I didn't go out. Not sure if the reason is because last night I played Mah Jong with my friends that stayed with me for Christmas. They are back in their trailer so I went over to their place to play, I took along a glass of Kahlua and milk. Don't think it is why I didn't feel well, but you never know. No plans until Monday when I will give my friend Robin a ride to work. Then on Tuesday I have a dentist appointment at 10am. I don't have any insurance and haven't been to a dentist since the summer of 2008. But I had a bad tooth ache last summer and had to have a root canal redone, while that was happening I realized I had two big cavities on the upper left side of my mouth. So now I have made an appointment and will have a full check up with x-rays. Then the bad news. But I at least am prepared to not faint and to use what is left of my retirement to pay for the necessary work. Then hopefully no more dental work for the next 3 or 4 years.
I can't believe how fantastic my friends are here at DS. I read all of your journals and some of them are so well written I feel just like I really know you. I feel like I live just down the street. I almost forget I have never actually met you. I know some people would call me too trusting, but I really wish I could actually meet all of you. That is not to say I want to meet all of the people I have heard of at DS, just my friends. Without all of you I would not be able to make it through day 2. Thanks for all your help.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

01/07/2011 9:25pm
I read your journal and understand you not wanting to contact your children. But, please don\'t give up praying for your children and your relationship with them. Ask God to lead you and them in the right direction. I am also praying for you.
I didn\'t get out of my pajamas today either. I did leave the house, only to go out and shovel the snow. I did put a pair of sweat pants over my pajamas and a coat. It sure felt nice to come back in the house and feel relaxed and still have my pajamas on.
Stay strong.
Sending you (((Hugs))), prayers, peace and friendship.