Day 95, afternoon
Today is day 95. Day 5 of vacation. Starting to find myself sleeping in. Very unusual for me, but nice. It feels like fall with the windows open at night, a briskness that I think makes me sleep heavier.
Today I had a full roster of things to do. Keeping myself busy, but even with that alcohol crossed my mind. Wouldn't it be nice, wouldn't it be this, wouldn't it be that. Reminded myself it would be none of those things. Reminded myself of my blue belt goal and that if I drank today, I would not be able to go to class tonight. That of course brought up a whole other list of why I could drink. Meh, just skip class, you're on vacation. I went and played piano for an hour. I think because of the concentration it took, it got me out of that thinking pattern. Played longer than I should have for my hands anyway, but long enough for my head.
I did get some things done today on my to do list. I watched a bit of tv between chores and I broke the chores down into nice easy steps. Been looking at some goals and again thinking how to break them down into the same kind of steps and which I would want to focus on. That's one thing I've taken from getting sober is how much you can accomplish that you don't think you can if you break it down into a day by day. "Choose my aim and then take one step and then the next."
There's a real big goal that keeps bopping around in my brain. It's multi-layered so the big goal depends on a few other goals being met within it. It's also something I don't know a whole lot about so I would really have to learn what was needed. And I've started to write it here a number of times and then deleted it, and even now I've highlighted this paragraph twice to delete it, but I think I'm going to keep it. Writing isn't doing.
I have dinner made for after class, and have things set up for working on some chores tomorrow, easy thing but things that need to be done.
Difficult day today and at the same time a satisfying day.
Today is day 95. I am committed to making a life change. The old me would have drank today, but I've begun to see the benefits of the life change choices I'm making. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. Today is day 95 and I am solid.
Today I had a full roster of things to do. Keeping myself busy, but even with that alcohol crossed my mind. Wouldn't it be nice, wouldn't it be this, wouldn't it be that. Reminded myself it would be none of those things. Reminded myself of my blue belt goal and that if I drank today, I would not be able to go to class tonight. That of course brought up a whole other list of why I could drink. Meh, just skip class, you're on vacation. I went and played piano for an hour. I think because of the concentration it took, it got me out of that thinking pattern. Played longer than I should have for my hands anyway, but long enough for my head.
I did get some things done today on my to do list. I watched a bit of tv between chores and I broke the chores down into nice easy steps. Been looking at some goals and again thinking how to break them down into the same kind of steps and which I would want to focus on. That's one thing I've taken from getting sober is how much you can accomplish that you don't think you can if you break it down into a day by day. "Choose my aim and then take one step and then the next."
There's a real big goal that keeps bopping around in my brain. It's multi-layered so the big goal depends on a few other goals being met within it. It's also something I don't know a whole lot about so I would really have to learn what was needed. And I've started to write it here a number of times and then deleted it, and even now I've highlighted this paragraph twice to delete it, but I think I'm going to keep it. Writing isn't doing.
I have dinner made for after class, and have things set up for working on some chores tomorrow, easy thing but things that need to be done.
Difficult day today and at the same time a satisfying day.
Today is day 95. I am committed to making a life change. The old me would have drank today, but I've begun to see the benefits of the life change choices I'm making. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. Today is day 95 and I am solid.
Replies
You can set your journal at the privacy setting that others can\'t see what you write only you for the sensitive stuff. That way all the stuff ya been deleting isn\'t lost and at some point ya maybe comfortable in sharing some of it. who knows may be it could become a country western song...Onwards...Congratulation on 95...
Thanks, Zachary. I hadn\'t thought of doing that. A good way to hash things out. lol.....country western song.