Day 9...cant believe it...
I drove by the casino exit yesterday...hopping over that fence of mine every few seconds. Go. Don't go. Go Dont go....
So, I didn't go. Wow. It felt amazing and sad at the same time.
Why in the world would I morn the loss of something that did me such harm? Thats what it felt like. Letting go of a good friend. I realize this is going to be One Day at A Time. So I am not going to pronounce I am over it. Far from it.
I can see now how much denial I am in. It's not that big a deal...I can quit anytime...I'm not hurting anyone...
All the right reasons...to keep doing the things I have been doing and getting the same results. But I want something better for my life. I want to wake up in the morning and feel good about myself. I am tired of the sadness the end result brings.
Ok. So this is Friday. This is usually the day I leave work at 12 noon. And go straight to the casino. I have a HUGE list of things to do, so I cannot use that as an excuse.
I will begin, right now, re-defining who I am. Cause this person I am right now, right this minute...she's only a shadow of who she can be. I will begin NOW...
Thanks to this website for letting me get all of this out.....
Whew...
mars54
So, I didn't go. Wow. It felt amazing and sad at the same time.
Why in the world would I morn the loss of something that did me such harm? Thats what it felt like. Letting go of a good friend. I realize this is going to be One Day at A Time. So I am not going to pronounce I am over it. Far from it.
I can see now how much denial I am in. It's not that big a deal...I can quit anytime...I'm not hurting anyone...
All the right reasons...to keep doing the things I have been doing and getting the same results. But I want something better for my life. I want to wake up in the morning and feel good about myself. I am tired of the sadness the end result brings.
Ok. So this is Friday. This is usually the day I leave work at 12 noon. And go straight to the casino. I have a HUGE list of things to do, so I cannot use that as an excuse.
I will begin, right now, re-defining who I am. Cause this person I am right now, right this minute...she's only a shadow of who she can be. I will begin NOW...
Thanks to this website for letting me get all of this out.....
Whew...
mars54
Replies
dear mars 54,
how are you doing?
I am new to this site and saw your post.
I too am tired of the sadness and want so much to feel good about myself again as I always did. Gambling takes over so much of your self-worth and attitude towards life.
I do hope that all is well and know that you have lots of people that can relate to you right here.