Day 70, early evening
Today is day 70. I met my goal of exercise yesterday by riding my stationary bike for 20 min. I think I can do 30 now if I wanted, probably even 45. Today is a lift day and I'll be getting to that as soon as I'm done here.
I have concerns about deciding to test for my blue. Seems like there's some drama going on at the school. A couple people have heard I was thinking of coming back and they came to talk to me about the things that have been going on. I don't need to get involved in it. I'll go do my classes, study my forms and do what I want to do which is work up to testing for blue.
Other concerns: I have a real solid cooking dinner streak going. The classes fall right in my cooking dinner eating time. I can make extra dinner Mondays and Wednesdays, so I have something I can heat up on class day Tues and Thurs. On Friday have a sandwich or something. Probably the worst thing I could do for my body is not eat dinner at all and I really don't want to get in the habit of eating out for dinner. I'm really enjoying trying new foods.
Also just to be careful. I don't want to get hurt and I'm not in the best shape. I need to know when to speak up, and then to speak up...not just tough it out or think I'll look weak. I am weak right now and I need to own up to that. I'm getting stronger but at the same time, I need to be careful.
Today felt like a great drinking day. I was lying on the bed watching a movie and a cool breeze was blowing in the open window. I thought how good it would be to have a fifth and be kicking back, losing myself....'relaxing' my mind said. Reminded myself how good it would not be, reminded myself of what drinking would be for me, how it would feel tomorrow, what my goals are. Still felt the nostalgia and the disconnect to the reality of my drinking, but I didn't drink. Even sitting here now it still sounds like a nice thing.
It's a great day not to drink. This day is/has been relaxing without alcohol. My other thoughts are habit, old patterns that do not reflect reality, past or present.
It is day 70. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain, It is day 70, and I am solid.
I have concerns about deciding to test for my blue. Seems like there's some drama going on at the school. A couple people have heard I was thinking of coming back and they came to talk to me about the things that have been going on. I don't need to get involved in it. I'll go do my classes, study my forms and do what I want to do which is work up to testing for blue.
Other concerns: I have a real solid cooking dinner streak going. The classes fall right in my cooking dinner eating time. I can make extra dinner Mondays and Wednesdays, so I have something I can heat up on class day Tues and Thurs. On Friday have a sandwich or something. Probably the worst thing I could do for my body is not eat dinner at all and I really don't want to get in the habit of eating out for dinner. I'm really enjoying trying new foods.
Also just to be careful. I don't want to get hurt and I'm not in the best shape. I need to know when to speak up, and then to speak up...not just tough it out or think I'll look weak. I am weak right now and I need to own up to that. I'm getting stronger but at the same time, I need to be careful.
Today felt like a great drinking day. I was lying on the bed watching a movie and a cool breeze was blowing in the open window. I thought how good it would be to have a fifth and be kicking back, losing myself....'relaxing' my mind said. Reminded myself how good it would not be, reminded myself of what drinking would be for me, how it would feel tomorrow, what my goals are. Still felt the nostalgia and the disconnect to the reality of my drinking, but I didn't drink. Even sitting here now it still sounds like a nice thing.
It's a great day not to drink. This day is/has been relaxing without alcohol. My other thoughts are habit, old patterns that do not reflect reality, past or present.
It is day 70. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain, It is day 70, and I am solid.
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