Day 54, morning
Today is day 54. I met my goal of regular exercise yesterday. It was an exercise of my choice, so I went bowling. I went right after work, played 3 games and it was a nice way to unwind. It did require some advil last night and it'll require a couple this morning. It was fun. I enjoyed myself and I exercised. I could see myself doing that every once in awhile. When I got home, I walked the dogs. Later I sat out and watched the sunset and just practiced breathing.
Today is a lift day and in preparation for my next exercise of my choice day, I'd like to find and air up my basketball or if needed, purchase a new one. After work, I'd like to go play a game of horse or shoot free throws or do around the world. I'll just keep it in the truck and whenever I feel like it, I can go after work.
I'm really putting some thought into when I have my drinking urges. I always got a fifth after work, except on my Monday. I would go Tuesday through Thursday after work and buy a fifth each day. On Friday, after work I would stock up for my weekend making sure I had enough to last me through the whole weekend. I would often overbuy because I was so worried I would run out and not be sober enough to drive. The overbuy often meant I didn't need to go on Monday night. I am ashamed to say this was a constant of my life for far longer than I should have allowed it to be. Buying alcohol after work is a well ingrained habit.
When I first quit, creating that habit of not going after work was my greatest challenge. The time it took was so much greater than it is now. I think there is an exact spot in the walk to my truck where my thoughts now start to turn to alcohol, mild or strong. It is halfway down the alley right at the last dumpster before the street and my truck is across the street in the parking lot. Yesterday as I walked to my truck, at the same spot as the last three days, my thoughts began to turn to buying alcohol.
I say began because as I neared that spot I preempted those thoughts by imagining a beach with waves washing ashore. As I tried to pull myself toward thoughts of alcohol, I pulled myself back toward the imagery of my urges as the waves on the beach gently washing ashore. The imagery, at least this time, occupied my mind in a most spectacular way through that urge period. It's a tool that I can hopefully use again and again. Recognizing that spot and being able to preempt it and redirect my mind. Just as my daily trips to the liquor store were habit, so is this thinking of buying alcohol just habit of thought. I can change it. I can manipulate it.
It is day 54. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 54, and I am solid.
Today is a lift day and in preparation for my next exercise of my choice day, I'd like to find and air up my basketball or if needed, purchase a new one. After work, I'd like to go play a game of horse or shoot free throws or do around the world. I'll just keep it in the truck and whenever I feel like it, I can go after work.
I'm really putting some thought into when I have my drinking urges. I always got a fifth after work, except on my Monday. I would go Tuesday through Thursday after work and buy a fifth each day. On Friday, after work I would stock up for my weekend making sure I had enough to last me through the whole weekend. I would often overbuy because I was so worried I would run out and not be sober enough to drive. The overbuy often meant I didn't need to go on Monday night. I am ashamed to say this was a constant of my life for far longer than I should have allowed it to be. Buying alcohol after work is a well ingrained habit.
When I first quit, creating that habit of not going after work was my greatest challenge. The time it took was so much greater than it is now. I think there is an exact spot in the walk to my truck where my thoughts now start to turn to alcohol, mild or strong. It is halfway down the alley right at the last dumpster before the street and my truck is across the street in the parking lot. Yesterday as I walked to my truck, at the same spot as the last three days, my thoughts began to turn to buying alcohol.
I say began because as I neared that spot I preempted those thoughts by imagining a beach with waves washing ashore. As I tried to pull myself toward thoughts of alcohol, I pulled myself back toward the imagery of my urges as the waves on the beach gently washing ashore. The imagery, at least this time, occupied my mind in a most spectacular way through that urge period. It's a tool that I can hopefully use again and again. Recognizing that spot and being able to preempt it and redirect my mind. Just as my daily trips to the liquor store were habit, so is this thinking of buying alcohol just habit of thought. I can change it. I can manipulate it.
It is day 54. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 54, and I am solid.
Replies
Just a suggestion. Can you walk to your truck a different way or else park it in a different place? It may not be possible and you may of thought of that already...But may be you could park it further away and kill two birds with one stone as walking does us good. You are the mountain!!!
If I left a little earlier, I could park and walk along the river to work. Thanks for the suggestion.