Day 50 - Setbacks and Anxiety...

Well.... hmmm..... ok. I don't much talk about my anxiety on here for some reason. Just the occasional mention. I gotta start really talking about it, instead of pretending that it's someone else who deals with this.  During and average month, I am usually fairly good. I am focused and determined and just good. Not too overwhelmed or worried. That lasts about 1-2 weeks.....then when the female stuff kicks in...it's a whole different story. Things start to not feel quite right, (a trigger) I start to get too warm, (another trigger). I start doubting all the things that I KNOW to be true. Like, I am strong, and there is nothing wrong with my heart etc....  My hormones get all out of whack and set me back. It's almost as if I have to start my journey ALL over again. It's frustrating and upsetting. Like I said, most days I am fine (within the limits I have...). But when times like this come, i find myself self-downing, and believing the lies those little "demons" tell me.  The doctor gave me Xanax for times like these. It's not much, but it is a life saver and I don't take it everyday. Thank goodness I am not addicted to them. I worry about stuff like that. I also sort of have a medication phobia.  I realized that when I stop relying on God, things get wonky. When I truly rest in the Lord my burdens seem lighter. Sometimes I just have RE-FOCUS, -RE-COMMIT, to myself, to my God..... if I have to do it everyday I will. I don't want to give up again. I don't want to be pulled into my pit of despair and depression. I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT!! lol..... I am STRONG!  My sweetheart got me this great book called... "365 One-minute Meditations - GOD CALLING) It's wonderful. I turn to the day that it is and read the wonderful scripture passage and meditation that it has. I try to focus on what these verses are telling me. Focus on the love of God. it's like, little love notes from Jesus. They inspire and lift me up.... so with that said, here is todays meditation..  TOO MUCH TALK"Study to be quiet."1 Thessalonians 4:11Union with Me is the one great overwhelming necessity. All else follows so naturally, and union with Me may be the result of just consciousness of My presence. Be not too ready to speak to others. Pray always that the need may be apparent, if you are to do this, and the guidance very plain. My Spirit has been driven out by the words of men. Discourage too much talk. Man will see Me in My works done through you.  I love this, it is totally relevant to what I've been feeling. We try to look for answers everywhere, and we should really learn to sit and commune with God. To really listen to that still, small voice. To KNOW that He is God and nothing is too hard for Him. Sometimes one of the hardest thing for me to do is really be quiet. To just listen to my heart and my spirit and trust that God has my best interests in mind.  Thanks for listening. I know I babble and get off track. I just wanted to get some of this down and out of my head. Things get too busy "in here". lol  My prayers are with you all, my love and my hugs my friends. God bless you all.  D