Day 5... headache still here

Still have a major headache after 5 days now.  Really don't think the doctor will do anything about it so I'm going to wait it out a little longer.  Doug keeps buggin me for money.  I told him to f-k off!!!  He just doesn't want to hear what is being told to him. I was pretty nasty to him but I don't care anymore.  I'm over his shit! I don't love him anymore and really don't like him right now.  He will NEVER change from the piece of shit that he has become.  Why do I let him bother me so much?  Putting up with his crap has made me think about Spank less and less though.  I DO LOVE Spanky even though he has hurt me over and over.  I keep focusing on the wonderful man that is inside him that he keeps locked away.  He is having his play time right now and I have to let him get it out of his system if there is any chance for us to have a future, in the future.  I have to take care of myself and get financially stable and mentally stable (get over my insecurities and be a stronger person, get over the low self esteem and begin to shine again- my light attracted him in the first place, be secure with who I am- in my own skin-like the way I look but try to improve on it, learn to fully trust again- when trust is warranted, try not to take things personally and let things roll off my back like oil and water) and he has to do the same- grow up, not be so immature, get financially stable, not drink so much, learn to trust again, learn to really love someone again.  I know he has to take care of him.  I can't do it for him.  I just wish I wasn't so down right now.  I wish I knew what would pick me up off the floor and get going again.  Time is the only answer i suppose.