Day 44, morning
Yesterday I completed my goal of hiking the peak. It was very rewarding as it was something I didn't think I could do and that was the point of it. I wanted this to be a milestone in my sobriety.
I feel like I took the lessons I have learned so far in quitting drinking and applied them here. I didn't think I could quit drinking. It seemed impossible, and yet here I am at 43 days. I took many small steps to reach where I am right now, and that's also how I got to the summit. I reminded myself many times of the Henry Ford quote, "Obstacles are what you see when you look away from your goal." When I was tired or wanted to quit, I reminded myself that this was about the journey and small steps adding together for something bigger. I thought about being the tree and not the leaves. Yes, I was tired and yes, I wanted to quit, but I was not those things. I was not the tiredness, I was not the quitting. I pushed through. I thought a lot about my road these last 43 days. It was a milestone, too because I couldn't have done this 43 days ago.
This hike was my sobriety of the last 43 days acted out, tangible. It was a great thing to do for myself. It helped bring it all home in a real good way for me. My goal had been to hike to the loop intersection, but when I got to that marker, it said it was only 1 mile more to the viewpoint. I thought heck, I've come this far. When I got to the viewpoint, it said it was only 0.3 miles to the summit. And well I'd come this far. It took me awhile to find the USGS summit marker, but when I did, it was like finding gold. Coming down off the peak, what a great feeling to have accomplished more than what I had set out to do and to have reached beyond that goal because of the lessons I learned over the last 43 days....even better.
Driving home after, I went through a small town and the liquor store sign shined bright. I thought about stopping. I could celebrate with a drink. My eyes were riveted to the open sign. It was Sunday. I hadn't expected to see an open liquor store around here. It's very rare. I really wanted to stop. Once I bought a fifth I'd have to drink it. It'd be a waste not to. If I bought it, I'd have to drink it...I'd have an excuse...the decision would be taken from me. It was a near thing. All these thoughts in the seconds it took to pass a store by on town main street. My final thought as I passed by was I don't want this. And just as fast, all the thoughts of wanting to drink left my mind. The first thoughts seemed just like knee jerk reactions, habit both physical and mental. How easy it is to listen; how easy it is to believe. Again I am stunned at how I can hold these two events in my mind. I just achieved a great goal that made my sobriety manifest and within almost the same moment of time I can hold such real thoughts of drinking. The small choices I make day to day create my sobriety.
I am grateful I chose not to drink. I am grateful I climbed a mountain to learn a lesson more deeply.
Today is day 44. I am making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 44 and I feel solid.
I feel like I took the lessons I have learned so far in quitting drinking and applied them here. I didn't think I could quit drinking. It seemed impossible, and yet here I am at 43 days. I took many small steps to reach where I am right now, and that's also how I got to the summit. I reminded myself many times of the Henry Ford quote, "Obstacles are what you see when you look away from your goal." When I was tired or wanted to quit, I reminded myself that this was about the journey and small steps adding together for something bigger. I thought about being the tree and not the leaves. Yes, I was tired and yes, I wanted to quit, but I was not those things. I was not the tiredness, I was not the quitting. I pushed through. I thought a lot about my road these last 43 days. It was a milestone, too because I couldn't have done this 43 days ago.
This hike was my sobriety of the last 43 days acted out, tangible. It was a great thing to do for myself. It helped bring it all home in a real good way for me. My goal had been to hike to the loop intersection, but when I got to that marker, it said it was only 1 mile more to the viewpoint. I thought heck, I've come this far. When I got to the viewpoint, it said it was only 0.3 miles to the summit. And well I'd come this far. It took me awhile to find the USGS summit marker, but when I did, it was like finding gold. Coming down off the peak, what a great feeling to have accomplished more than what I had set out to do and to have reached beyond that goal because of the lessons I learned over the last 43 days....even better.
Driving home after, I went through a small town and the liquor store sign shined bright. I thought about stopping. I could celebrate with a drink. My eyes were riveted to the open sign. It was Sunday. I hadn't expected to see an open liquor store around here. It's very rare. I really wanted to stop. Once I bought a fifth I'd have to drink it. It'd be a waste not to. If I bought it, I'd have to drink it...I'd have an excuse...the decision would be taken from me. It was a near thing. All these thoughts in the seconds it took to pass a store by on town main street. My final thought as I passed by was I don't want this. And just as fast, all the thoughts of wanting to drink left my mind. The first thoughts seemed just like knee jerk reactions, habit both physical and mental. How easy it is to listen; how easy it is to believe. Again I am stunned at how I can hold these two events in my mind. I just achieved a great goal that made my sobriety manifest and within almost the same moment of time I can hold such real thoughts of drinking. The small choices I make day to day create my sobriety.
I am grateful I chose not to drink. I am grateful I climbed a mountain to learn a lesson more deeply.
Today is day 44. I am making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 44 and I feel solid.
Replies