Day 4 Started on 12/19/17

I started writing this post when I was concerned with my home life, now that the major concern is over there, let’s see if I can try and put it into coherent thought.

Today, I mostly thinking about progress, ways to show this, and the effect that both positive and negative affect not only the amount of progress we have, but the amount that we will continue to have. What prompted this, (other than actively looking for something to write about during this process) was thinking about the titles that I use on my post. I hope that it is obvious that the days that I post on my journal are not correct. They only coincide with the day that I chose to write. There are unfortunately times where I am too busy with life to write. Like I said in Day 1, I have a one year old, a boyfriend, a home, and a life that I still need to lead no matter how I feel. As for actual day in my journey, it is somewhere closer to the range of 20 days. I don’t necessarily look at progress as in the amount days for it. I cannot judge mine, or anyone else progress based on the amount of days there have been. It is another reason why I do not track what the actual number is. Success or failure shouldn’t be determined by time alone.

Success and failure are things that everyone knows. Most of us forget about the little successes that we have, and we focus on the failures; at least that is how it is for me. Measurements for results can be difficult as everyone reacts differently. Hell, my reaction can change from moment to moment just depending on what is going on in my own mind. The full truth about my journey is for the most part it is helping, I (most of time) react differently, I try to think about myself differently. But, it is not perfect, it is not always there, and some areas are not as noticeable. I know the biggest area I still need to work on would be listening to others. This area is probably still my worse area, though improvements have been made, it just needs to be done all the time. But listening is mostly focusing on things that are outside of myself, such as listening to the ‘voice’ which is counterproductive. I still have meltdowns, and I still have days where I cannot handle anything, but it seems like these days are fewer since I started.