Day 34 morning

Today is day 34.  I used to write a lot, prose poems. I haven't written in that way in a number of years.  I did last night.  It's like mentally I'm more awake and paying attention to the people and happenings around me.  Something a woman said struck me and I pulled out my work notebook and jotted a quick written sketch of the conversation.  Something I used to do often. Last night I worked on it some more and I woke this morning with what to edit to bring it almost to a  pre-final, tight, no extras poem.  I like the process of that kind of thing, how organic it is. So for day 33, that was a nice thing to have happened, an unexpected gift.
Looking back on Thursday and having that real desire to buy alcohol and then drink it.  Should I even say "real" here?  I'm still struck by how it odds it was with my real thoughts and feelings. And again should I say "real"?  I don't know.  When I got home, I felt angry, mainly, because it scared me.  The desire to drink was as real as my desire to not drink, and I can't reconcile that in my head.  And possibly it felt more real than my desire to not drink and that's scarier. In the end, I did not drink.  That's the most important part.  In the end, I did not buy alcohol and I did not drink alcohol.
Today is day 34.  I am committed to making a life change.  I do not drink.  I am the tree, not the leaves.  I am the mountain.  It is day 34 and I am solid.