Day 3 Update
Well here we go again.....day 3 and I start stims tonight for my next round of Mini-IVF. Spent the morning at the RE - such a lovely way to spend a Sunday morning, isn't it!? ;) Not only that, but I really hate sonos on day 3....warning this is TMI....but my periods are pretty heavy and everytime I leave the sono room, it looks like a murder scene with all that blood. I'm just waiting for the day where they rope the room off with caution tape lol. Als, found out I have a large cyst on my left ovary, but luckily since my estrogen levels are good, they are not concerned and think it will disappear on its own (fingers and toes crossed).
Sadly, I am feeling less positive and less enthusiastic for this cycle. I'm hoping and wondering if that's just my hormonal period talking. Just feeling overall disappointed that its come to this...running back and forth to the RE and constantly putting my life on hold. We have some friends who live out of state and are wanting to come for a visit in early May, but I am not sure if the weekend they want to visit will work with my upcoming surgery (still have to schedule that, should know this week). I'm just so sick of how IF has put sooo much of our lives on hold.....its like we can never really make plans since we are TTC and between treatments and always doing something to maximize conception.....2 years of this and I'm feeling exasperated. I read Deb's journal today about feeling like IF has changed her, and I am feeling the exact same way....I used to be fun, positive, upbeat.....now I'm always anxious, serious and boring. I feel like IF has consumed me and I don't even know how to think about anything else at this point!! The weather has been getting nicer here in NYC and I'm already wanting to make some fun spring plans, but feel like why bother.
I hope you are all enjoying your weekends and feeling well no matter where you are in your cycles! I think of you all and your journeys and although I feel IF has robbed me of so much, I also feel like its given me the opportunity to meet some wonderful women here on DS. Just wish we could have met at a Mommy and Me class instead of on an IF board!!!
Sadly, I am feeling less positive and less enthusiastic for this cycle. I'm hoping and wondering if that's just my hormonal period talking. Just feeling overall disappointed that its come to this...running back and forth to the RE and constantly putting my life on hold. We have some friends who live out of state and are wanting to come for a visit in early May, but I am not sure if the weekend they want to visit will work with my upcoming surgery (still have to schedule that, should know this week). I'm just so sick of how IF has put sooo much of our lives on hold.....its like we can never really make plans since we are TTC and between treatments and always doing something to maximize conception.....2 years of this and I'm feeling exasperated. I read Deb's journal today about feeling like IF has changed her, and I am feeling the exact same way....I used to be fun, positive, upbeat.....now I'm always anxious, serious and boring. I feel like IF has consumed me and I don't even know how to think about anything else at this point!! The weather has been getting nicer here in NYC and I'm already wanting to make some fun spring plans, but feel like why bother.
I hope you are all enjoying your weekends and feeling well no matter where you are in your cycles! I think of you all and your journeys and although I feel IF has robbed me of so much, I also feel like its given me the opportunity to meet some wonderful women here on DS. Just wish we could have met at a Mommy and Me class instead of on an IF board!!!
Replies
I had to laugh when i read the beginning about the day 3 ultrasound. I feel the same way!! It\'s so disgusting and I dread having to go day 3 more than any others. I always feel sorry for the tech. and hope that I won\'t drip on the floor while I am running to the bathroom to put my pants back on, TMI!! Sending good vibes your way! I think the negative feelings you are having are just a way to protect yourself in case this is a bad month. I know I do the same thing each time.
HopefullyWaiting: LOL!! You totally are on the same page as me on how I feel about day 3!
I spent the morning at the RE as well...seems to be a common theme this weekend as well as not feeling positive. I\'m having doubts and I know its normal but that knowledge definitely doesn\'t help things. I think you should go ahead and make fun plans. I spent the last two years doing nothing but focusing on IF and its gotten me no where. This year I\'ve now planned two vacations for the summer and can\'t wait. I did book both with Travel Insurance though. I figure if I have to cancel great, I\'m covered, but if not, I have something to look forward to other then shots and RE appointments, lol. Enjoy the beautiful weather today!
I felt so embarrassed on my day 3s, too. I kept thinking \"Man, they must think I\'m disgusting!\" but I\'m sure they\'re totally used to it. I always have to turn my brain off when I\'m seeing the RE or my OB/GYN. My mantra was \"It\'s just a crotch!\" DH thought I was nuts, but it helped me get over my fear of doctors and my discomfort with lots of people messing around down there all the time. Like HopefullyWaiting said, I think we get the negativity as a precaution to not let ourselves get too hopeful and then get crushed again. IF is too brutal that way. And Laurie\'s right, too. Make those plans. If you have to adjust something, well, okay. But it\'s important to take charge of your own life again. You are more than treatments and RE visits. We all need to remind ourselves to take time out to be human again and enjoy our lives. Even if they\'re small things, go enjoy that springtime. Good for the body and the soul!
I\'m so sure things will go well this cycle too. You did great with your first and this time you already know what your in for.
I\'m with Laurie about not putting your life on hold. It builds up what to much stress . I say make plans that can be cancelled and go from there. If you have to cancel them because of good news you\'ll be happy about it and if not you\'ll be enjoying life ! When I booked my cruise I wasn\'t sure it was a good idea and when I got my BFN from my last IVF I thought can I really enjoy it ! We\'ll it was just what I needed to get my mind of IF for a week.
Good luck,
I\'m sorry you are feeling a little down and discouraged. IVF always puts a damper on life and activities in general. On the plus side, I am so glad you are doing another round right now. Hang in there!
You know I feel the same way. My life has been dictated for two years by IF. I\'ve cancelled on nights out , parties , weddings, trips , etc. I know how hard it is to book stuff when you are constantly waiting for something. Wish I had the solution. Try to book something for yourself. Easier said then done when you don\'t know what doctor appt you have to be at or what procedure is coming. I\'ve become an expert at counting out days on the calendar. Try your best to find small things to do so you have stuff to look forward to but won\'t be too bummed if you have to cancel. Wishing you tons of success with this cycle. Xo
Never TMI on DS ;) my flow is horrible too. I went for CD3 and I actually had to wait to start injectables and back to go back for monitoring and for confirmation to begin stims on CD5! We can\'t catch a break huh?!
I\'m sorry you are feeling less hopeful time around. I\'ll be positive for ya! I understand how you are feeling right now. I was looking at old pics the other day, and by old I mean 2 yrs ago. But it seems like a life time ago. In the pics I looked and was genuinely happy, I was in great shape, I was out living it up, life was good. Now I can\'t even remember what I used to talk about the only thing on my mind at all times is getting pregnant and being a mom. I barely work out now, drinks out with my girlfriends usually end up with me crying, NOT dancing the night away. Yup, things sure have changed! I wish I could offer advice to distract you but haven\'t figured that out yet. Some days are good some not so good. I just keep telling myself its going to be over soon. I will be pregnant. I hope I\'m not lying to myself. Stay strong, stay positive. You are going everything you can do. I hope your mini IVF is successful and I also hope your surgery goes well too! HUGS!!
Day 3 is a murder scene for me too! I\'m always sooooo embarrassed. At this point I figure they\'ve seen everything though.
I am with you and deb on feeling like a different person. Where did the happiness go? Where did feeling good go? I feel like I am constantly sick, either from the meds or coming off of the meds. We\'ve been TTC for 3 years now, two of them with IVF so that\'s a long time to be dealing with this crap. It makes me angry that all of us can\'t get preggo the natural easy way and it makes me even angrier that even with all the treatments some of us never will. It\'s so unfair. All of us deserve to be parents. We all deserve to experience pregnancy. We all deserve to have things easier. But we don\'t :(
I don\'t have any grand advice. I guess just hang in there because time will pass and whatever is going to happen is going to happen. We just have to try to make the best of it and roll with the punches.
As for this NYC weather, lets try to enjoy it the best we can. Sending you a hug and get out there and try to enjoy today.
I also spent yesterday morning at the RE! I hope that means we are all connected with some good luck for this cycle. I HATE day 3 us... I bet they are beyond use to it, but holly cow! I am sure my face was priceless the first time I had a baseline us and found out it was internal!
I know its hard to stay possitive when we have been going through hell for so long. I think we protect ourselves from the pain by not getting too excited. I will be sending you lots of positive vibes! Good luck hun.
Completely understand how you feel.... I am waiting on my period to arrive and then starting a whole new cycle for FET. I am so not looking forward to it as hossible as that may sound. I just hate driving back and forth to the clinic (which is really only 20 minutes from work and 30 from home- so I shouldn\'t complain), taking all the time off of work, spending money we really DON\'T have, worrying/being anxious and stressed over whether \"this will be the one\", going through my list of do\'s and don\'ts... ugh- it\'s endless. It\'s so much easier to be positive for you girls then for myself! So, here\'s to hoping this is it for you! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
I would make plans regardless. Life is too short, and like you said, IF takes so much time and energy out of us, that maybe that fun time will fall right at the perfect time.
As for your cyst, it should go away, I had developed some too during an IUI treatment and I waited a month, and they all disappeared with my period.
Darn day 3 Ultrasounds, seriously, I know exactly how you feel.
Hang in there, and hugs to you!!!