Day 3

Yesterday was the first successful day, beginning to end, that I've had in a long while. This journal might actually be helping because it forces me to reflect a little, plus it's a nice outlet for when I'm feeling frustrated. 

...or in today's case, when I'm feeling a little proud. A big positive happened today. Context first, though: I get impulses about eating that are almost always impossible to ignore. Once that little candy bar two aisles over in the grocery store starts dancing in my brain, that's often all I think about and other thoughts get swept away like so many shriveled, dried up leaves. Ditto with the bowl of chips set out at someone's house, or, like today, the leftover and utterly bland steel cut oatmeal in my fridge. The impulse hit this morning and I started planning. "Okay, I've eaten breakfast already today (apple and almond butter) and my wife and daughter saw that. But my son didn't, so as soon as they leave, I can take that out, lop a bunch of peanut or almond butter on top, and pretend it's my first breakfast of the day while my son's eating." But guess what? I didn't. I took it out, put it in the microwave and... stopped. Didn't even close the microwave door. I recognized that I wasn't super hungry, and I know what excess carbs and insulin spikes do, so I just put the lid back on and put it back in the fridge.

I'm going to pat myself on the back for that one. Resisting an impulse is hard enough. Resisting it with food in hand AND not having the impulse go all Tazmanian Devil through my brain until fulfilled is f'ing unique as hell. Mini stadium wave in honor of me.