Day 2- Journal proceeding
Ok So today didnt start too bad for me...maybe it was beacause he was still sleeping when i went to work ( 06:20) and baby was awake to give me a hug & a kiss goodbye :)...Untill he phoned me this morning and thanked me for NOT waking him up.He slept till 8 :30 am with baby walking around in the house. Well, i did wake him up! Yet he was too wasted after last nights party with his friends until 2 am. Why is it my fault?
Even though all this late up off him aint right for me, it didnt bother me cause i like to be alone at home. It felt good. Is this me going sane or is my mindset changing allready about him , asif i want to be alone....
You know, for some odd reason , it did not even bother me anymore when he threw th phone down in my ear when i told him that its was his responsibility not to party if he knows he has to work the following morning...Yes his friends dont mind at all cause they have no worries whether he has a job and family he is supporting.
This is why i just want to go my own way for a while. I dont want to be blamed for stuff like this. I want my lil one to grow up happy:) not in a house full of fighting...
argg i feel like a terrible mother even though i appear to have everything sorted out ...all these emotions are just going hay wire inside me. i need a punching bag for my bday ....
Hopefully i WILL find that happiness sometime :) Just got to add some in my life :) And as Ms Cakes said...Sunday is a good idea :) Im actually excited for that idea- cant wait :)
Hopefully tommorrow will hold a complete new \dventure in for me :) Cant wait.This ladder must go up !
Signed
† Chrissie
Even though all this late up off him aint right for me, it didnt bother me cause i like to be alone at home. It felt good. Is this me going sane or is my mindset changing allready about him , asif i want to be alone....
You know, for some odd reason , it did not even bother me anymore when he threw th phone down in my ear when i told him that its was his responsibility not to party if he knows he has to work the following morning...Yes his friends dont mind at all cause they have no worries whether he has a job and family he is supporting.
This is why i just want to go my own way for a while. I dont want to be blamed for stuff like this. I want my lil one to grow up happy:) not in a house full of fighting...
argg i feel like a terrible mother even though i appear to have everything sorted out ...all these emotions are just going hay wire inside me. i need a punching bag for my bday ....
Hopefully i WILL find that happiness sometime :) Just got to add some in my life :) And as Ms Cakes said...Sunday is a good idea :) Im actually excited for that idea- cant wait :)
Hopefully tommorrow will hold a complete new \dventure in for me :) Cant wait.This ladder must go up !
Signed
† Chrissie
Replies
Understand that you hold the key to your own happiness and that you only have the power to change yourself and no one else.
I like totally agree, but its didnt turn out to be sooo easy as what i always thought. I mean , i can decide on being happy by taking my stuff and our daughter and just go, but to be honest, that i know will only help short term...theres all these lil webs inbetween ...sometimes if you KNOW you tried and you came upoin agreement that it will definitley NOT work, Then only i believ you can actually go in Peace withyourself and those around you and those who are affected in the situation.That is then LONG term Happiness ..... Thabnx for your comment :)
I\'m sorry to hear you had that \"terrible mother\" feeling. It sounds to me that in evaluating your current situation and considering seriously leaving it for your baby shows just how good of a mother you are!
It very well could be that you are separating in your mind because you are preparing for what you know is coming. While it is true that a person can determine their own happiness, to a great extent, I don\'t think it\'s wise to try to be happy in a toxic situation. Your quest to be healthy and happy for you and your baby is very good!