day 2

Yesterday January1st 2021 was my first completely sober day since June of 2019.

I fell off the wagon completely after 20 years of sobriety after the death of my beloved husband of 28 years. It quite simply initially helped numb the agonising pain. Then  it became a habit. I started drinking far more alcohol and then  began drinking earlier and earlier in the day with the  "its 5pm somewhere in the world " justification ,  and then often finding myself  drunk by early afternoon.

I dont want to be a drunk. I dont want alchohol to dictate to me what I do and when I do it. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father, I KNOW what it did to his life and can quite easily do to mine if I dont stop completely.

Spending time with my siblings just before Christmas ( I have 6 of them), made me realise that I have to make changes. All of them are far heavier drinkers than I, and I just dont want to be them and I was heading down that road. It is not ok to be drunk every day. It is not ok to be wasting money on a substance that has no value to my life  , health and happiness. 

so it is my promise to myself today and for the rest of my life, I am done with alcohol. I am done with the intoxicating entrapment, I am done with the loss of control. I am done wasting my hard earned money. 

God grant me the strength and ability to perservere in this promise to myself...