Day 16 morning
Day 16 feeling good. I think if I were to add one thing back in that I haven't done much of this week is my tonglen tapes. When I was commuting, I was able to spend 40 to 50 minutes listening to them. My first half week not commuting, I incorporated them into my morning stationary cycle and stretching which worked out really well. This last week, I did very little maybe 10 minutes on the drive in but then started listening to NPR.
Tonglen was keeping me out of my own head and also setting me into a really nice frame of mind for work. Morning is the time of day I'd like to do it, but it seems like my exercise is switching to evening. Do I have the time in the morning to eat, shower, write in my journal and exercise with tonglen? It would be tight...could I shower the night before and make my lunch the night before? I'll think on it. This morning will listen as I drive in. I may look at getting them on cd. This particular one was not available on cd in the past, but I happened upon it the other day in cd or just see if you can download it to your ipod.
I looked some more at hiking the peak. Found out some good information about the different trails leading up. It looks like the North Ridge trail would be a good choice for me. Round trip it would be doable in one day. I thought I would have to stay the night, which I still could for fun. If you go off the North Ridge trail for a couple miles, there is a campground. Some rated the North Ridge trail as moderate, some difficult and others strenuous. For me, at this time, I think I can say it would be extremely difficult.
So today the basics....eat, exercise, breathe and drink water. Taking a nalgene filled with ice water seems to be working for me. Keep going with that.
Last night I thought of drinking...I mean it was in my thoughts not that I was going to drive to a liquor store and drink, but drinking, itself, was in my mind in a nostalgic....longing for the good old days...the feel of it going down,,,how the body feels, etc.... I reminded myself then and I will remind myself now. There's nothing nostalgic or any good old days in my drinking. I drank to passing out, and when I would wake, I would drink again to passing out....repeat for the amount of time available to me until I had to be sober. When I add up that up....how many hours , how much of each day was a not a participant in my life?
I will be pro-active in my life. I will not be passive. I do not drink. I am committed to making a life change. I am grateful for another day of sobriety. I am the tree. I am not the leaves. I do not drink. There is no nostalgia to be found in my drinking. There are no good old days. I am an active participant in my own life. Drinking negates that statement. Therefore, I will not and do not drink. I am the mountain...I feel solid.
Tonglen was keeping me out of my own head and also setting me into a really nice frame of mind for work. Morning is the time of day I'd like to do it, but it seems like my exercise is switching to evening. Do I have the time in the morning to eat, shower, write in my journal and exercise with tonglen? It would be tight...could I shower the night before and make my lunch the night before? I'll think on it. This morning will listen as I drive in. I may look at getting them on cd. This particular one was not available on cd in the past, but I happened upon it the other day in cd or just see if you can download it to your ipod.
I looked some more at hiking the peak. Found out some good information about the different trails leading up. It looks like the North Ridge trail would be a good choice for me. Round trip it would be doable in one day. I thought I would have to stay the night, which I still could for fun. If you go off the North Ridge trail for a couple miles, there is a campground. Some rated the North Ridge trail as moderate, some difficult and others strenuous. For me, at this time, I think I can say it would be extremely difficult.
So today the basics....eat, exercise, breathe and drink water. Taking a nalgene filled with ice water seems to be working for me. Keep going with that.
Last night I thought of drinking...I mean it was in my thoughts not that I was going to drive to a liquor store and drink, but drinking, itself, was in my mind in a nostalgic....longing for the good old days...the feel of it going down,,,how the body feels, etc.... I reminded myself then and I will remind myself now. There's nothing nostalgic or any good old days in my drinking. I drank to passing out, and when I would wake, I would drink again to passing out....repeat for the amount of time available to me until I had to be sober. When I add up that up....how many hours , how much of each day was a not a participant in my life?
I will be pro-active in my life. I will not be passive. I do not drink. I am committed to making a life change. I am grateful for another day of sobriety. I am the tree. I am not the leaves. I do not drink. There is no nostalgia to be found in my drinking. There are no good old days. I am an active participant in my own life. Drinking negates that statement. Therefore, I will not and do not drink. I am the mountain...I feel solid.
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