Day 15 - cruelty never ends
So you decide to come home after work, nice hello, asked for a hug. Sat down to watch the game. Chit chatted a little. You get on your phone and say you're talking to your buddy. I go to bed and you finally come up. I ask you for love, oh the pain as it is obvious you don't want to be with me. Maybe the only way you got through it was because you were thinking of her. Turns out you were texting her the whole time you were home, sitting right next to me.
But yet you insist you don't know what you want and divorce has not become prominent in your mind. I feel so humiliated and embarassed that I practically begged my husband to make love to me, force him to say "I love you" when I know it's not sincere.
How do I give up when I still love him so much?
Replies
Do not sleep with him, do not let him
Stay there. You will drive yourself insane.
I hope and pray you have a therapist.
Most of us have walked around with
Trying to make things work. You are
Willingly playing the pick me game.
Thats your decision how far you are
Willing to go. Its a long hard climb
Back to sanity.
Do not cross that line of going over
The edge for this guy. HUGS
I wish I was that strong. I just get this glimmer of hope when he gives me a peck on the lips. Even though his body language conveys he doesn't want to be with me. I can't kick him out. Neither one of us can leave. And I guess, as pathetic as it sounds, I'd rather have him in bed with me than with her. It IS the "pick me" game, the result of which I painfully know but deny. I want a moment where I wake up and say "i'm done. no more." but I look at him, and so many memories and feelings wash over me. Thank you, mirandac, for talking to me.
I know what i went thru with my ex and i
Still suffer the consequences of not getting
Out sooner. Both my therapist said get out,
One was a MC and the other was mine. HUGS
Is there any help or someone I can talk to now to get over this anxiety? I need a crisis hotline because I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown.
Please put it on the board this
Is your journal HUGS
Call 911 or look in your phonebook for hotline numbers,.
Do not have a breakdown call someone and get help.
Even call suicide number if you have to they will refer
you and probably talk to you, HUGS
Thank you for your help. I'm not suicidal, although sometimes i want to just crawl i'm a hole and die. I contacted a church (I'm not religious) just to hear another voice tell me I can get through this. The crying jag has stopped. I am now trying to look presentable so I can go back to work. Hugs back and thank you.
Churches understand grief well, the minister
I met with just shook her head. Not much anyone
Can do But go thru it if you stuff it and dont face
The grief it Will bite you in the backside. It does
Not go away. Not about stuff like this it festers.
I hope you are in therapy, go to a divorce care
Group. There are people that literally do have
A mental breakdown. That is your choice how
You handle things with him.
I cried for 4 months after he left, but he was
Not living there or playing me. HUGS