Day 14, two weeks
Made it home from my friends house fine...no stops...and stuck to just staying an hour...that's all I felt I could do. I picked up her mom on my way there and her mother invited me to dinner today. I think I'll go.
I got up early this morning and went to the forest. I took a three mile loop and at first it was difficult. I had thoughts of when I used to run this particular trail or would hike it so easily...full stride...how wonderful hiking in full stride and strength felt and here I am huffing and puffing up a gentle incline.
As I hiked, I was about halfway through, I started to think about my goal...part of my goal is to start where I am. That thought made all the difference. Once I let go of that negativity I had in my head, the hike got easier and I blew through the second half and at one point if I hadn't been so into what I was doing, I would have taken a cutoff that would have added another couple easier miles onto it.
With the dog exhausted and asleep in back, I found myself smiling on the way home. I felt good. I had some ice water with me and that tasted good, too. In the past, maybe a year and a half ago because for the last year and half I would have been too drunk from the night before to go, I would have gone on this hike and then stopped at the store for bones for the dogs and then at the liquor store for a fifth for me. This thought crossed my mind when I was nearer to home than the liquor store. The thought felt more like habit than need.
Also the thought of the oblivion that I could have if I did have a fifth with me crossed my mind. That thought was more like a longing, but when examined, oblivion is not what I need and at this time it is not what I long for. It's not what I want. It's not what I've committed to. It will not get me where I want to go. I can make different decisions. Alcohol is not the only answer out there. I can cope in different ways.
So in the end, the hike was great. I huffed and puffed. I bemoaned the shape I was in compared to the past. I let go of that and I sweated a sweat that was not an alcohol withdrawal sweat, an I need alcohol sweat. I am going to be sore, and I will revel in that soreness. It means I'm using my body in ways that are good for it, good for me.
I do not drink. I am committed to making a life change. I will make a life change. I am the tree, not the leaves. I do not drink.
I got up early this morning and went to the forest. I took a three mile loop and at first it was difficult. I had thoughts of when I used to run this particular trail or would hike it so easily...full stride...how wonderful hiking in full stride and strength felt and here I am huffing and puffing up a gentle incline.
As I hiked, I was about halfway through, I started to think about my goal...part of my goal is to start where I am. That thought made all the difference. Once I let go of that negativity I had in my head, the hike got easier and I blew through the second half and at one point if I hadn't been so into what I was doing, I would have taken a cutoff that would have added another couple easier miles onto it.
With the dog exhausted and asleep in back, I found myself smiling on the way home. I felt good. I had some ice water with me and that tasted good, too. In the past, maybe a year and a half ago because for the last year and half I would have been too drunk from the night before to go, I would have gone on this hike and then stopped at the store for bones for the dogs and then at the liquor store for a fifth for me. This thought crossed my mind when I was nearer to home than the liquor store. The thought felt more like habit than need.
Also the thought of the oblivion that I could have if I did have a fifth with me crossed my mind. That thought was more like a longing, but when examined, oblivion is not what I need and at this time it is not what I long for. It's not what I want. It's not what I've committed to. It will not get me where I want to go. I can make different decisions. Alcohol is not the only answer out there. I can cope in different ways.
So in the end, the hike was great. I huffed and puffed. I bemoaned the shape I was in compared to the past. I let go of that and I sweated a sweat that was not an alcohol withdrawal sweat, an I need alcohol sweat. I am going to be sore, and I will revel in that soreness. It means I'm using my body in ways that are good for it, good for me.
I do not drink. I am committed to making a life change. I will make a life change. I am the tree, not the leaves. I do not drink.
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