Day 133

I had to go back and do the math to see how many days I've been sober......I forget about it most days.  I don't keep track of the days anymore and rarely think about drinking.  I don't know how long this goes on; if there's ever a point where things change or something terrible happens and you just let it all go.
My faith in a higher power has grown considerably since day 1 and I hope to continue the growth.  I was to try to start helping others...people who are asking the same questions I had a year ago when I was just figuring out if I was an alcoholic.  
I still wish I wasn't.  I still am uncertain what the best thing to say is when people offer to buy me a drink.  
I'm grateful that my sponsor reached out to me and helped me realize what is important.  I was way off track and if I was that unhappy without a drinking problem, I'm not sure that anyone would have tried to help me.  I'm not afraid and I'm more comfortable with myself than I've been in a long time.  Life is a gift and too precious to spend watching tv getting drunk every night and feeling like shit for work every day.  I realized that being nice is easier than being mean and that every day doesn't need nearly as much structure as I used to make it have. 
I used to think that happiness was the most important thing to me.  I still do....but now I know what happiness actually is.