Day 106, morning
Today is day 106. Making progress toward my goals.
Yesterday afternoon I had a hard time. It was not that I was going to drink. I went to town a couple times and at any time, I could have stopped at the liquor store, but it really didn't come up. What did come up, I think, was that I felt stressed maybe or tired or a combination of the two and my first emotional reaction was to start thinking about alcohol and how drinking would help, how much I needed alcohol to relax, and it was unconnected to actual drinking. It was the oddest thing. It felt very real though, very consuming but completely disconnected to the physical act of drinking. I don't know if this is another part of the process. It kind of makes sense to me that it would happen.
I knew what I was stressed about and it really wasn't all that big of a deal, and the reaction was way out proportion to the mildly stressful feelings I was having, a bath would have been suitable or a walk. Usually I just would have switched off to something else and come back later, but maybe because I was tired, maybe because I let the thoughts take hold...I'm not sure I could have moved myself from those thoughts unless I or someone else knocked me unconscious. Eventually toward around 800 or so, the thoughts slowly dissipated. I felt frustrated by it because dealing with it derailed my day. I was unprepared for it.
Today is day 106. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 106 and I am solid.
Yesterday afternoon I had a hard time. It was not that I was going to drink. I went to town a couple times and at any time, I could have stopped at the liquor store, but it really didn't come up. What did come up, I think, was that I felt stressed maybe or tired or a combination of the two and my first emotional reaction was to start thinking about alcohol and how drinking would help, how much I needed alcohol to relax, and it was unconnected to actual drinking. It was the oddest thing. It felt very real though, very consuming but completely disconnected to the physical act of drinking. I don't know if this is another part of the process. It kind of makes sense to me that it would happen.
I knew what I was stressed about and it really wasn't all that big of a deal, and the reaction was way out proportion to the mildly stressful feelings I was having, a bath would have been suitable or a walk. Usually I just would have switched off to something else and come back later, but maybe because I was tired, maybe because I let the thoughts take hold...I'm not sure I could have moved myself from those thoughts unless I or someone else knocked me unconscious. Eventually toward around 800 or so, the thoughts slowly dissipated. I felt frustrated by it because dealing with it derailed my day. I was unprepared for it.
Today is day 106. I am committed to making a life change. I do not drink. I am the tree, not the leaves. I am the mountain. It is day 106 and I am solid.
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