Day 1 million

I am frustrated. This hell never seems to end. All I want to do is get better but I feel like nothing works. Why isn't there help for me, but everyone else gets help. I am pissed off too. Everyone in this world is out for themselves and acts like a fool. I am just getting more and more tired with each passing day. I have lost so much time, so many people, so much, and I blame myself for a large part and fate for the other. I don't know if god wants me to learn a lesson, or if I just have to keep suffering. My life gets worse and I fight, but fighting seems to do nothing, giving up and just letting everything happen is all I can do... but I keep fighting and getting sick. I really want someone to come along and help me. I need to find a person that can help, or find something inside myself that ends this. I don't want to die