Day 1
This is the first time i actually started restricting food, i was at college and me and my friend were talking about losing weight and now we skip lunch and just recently i skipped breakfast for an apple and had very little for lunch and tea and then for the first time on saturday 17th, i tried purging for the first time but havent actually made myself throw up yet,
Ive been drinking warm salt water and the salt ice cube thing and ive started to become more self concious about my weight since starting college and i guess that ill keep doing it till i like what i see.
Replies
Hey, there. Just wanted to let you know that I am sending you massive virtual hugs right now. :)
I understand where you are coming from. It wasn't long ago that I just stopped eating. With a lot of family drama, a ton of anxiety, and a lot of traveling, no one really noticed that I had cut out breakfast, lunch, and dinner completely. I was living off of sparkling water and some veggie snacks throughout the day. Soon, though, I wasn't able to hide my eating habits and I started pretending to eat my meals with family. I'd tuck food into a napkin or my pockets and secretly flush it all down the toilet after the meal was over. A fear of vomiting meant no purging, so it was "just" a severe limiting of my food intake. I have to admit, I lost a lot of weight and the compliments kept me going. I started out at 195 pounds, being bullied about my appearance at school, and wound up well under 100 pounds. Not long after, I started to feel dizzy all the time. It turned out that I was having heart problems and panic attacks from the lack of food and my doctor told me that it wouldn't be long before my early 20s body would resemble the body of a 90-year-old woman. I was close to death before I finally turned it all around with the help of a great therapist and a lot of work.
Not going to lie, some days it is a pain in the butt to keep up the positive self-talk and the "stop thinking like this" comments when my mind goes into eating disorder mode. It is worth it, though.
Life is precious and you are strong and able to do this - I believe in you :)
If it is any help at all, I'm now 41 and have been able to maintain a healthy weight with a few simple life changes. My usual day does still include watching carbs and calories, but not too closely. I take my weight, multiply by 15, and that is my caloric intake for maintaining my weight. If I need to lose a few pounds, I shave 500-750 calories off of that number for a few weeks. I give myself a cheat day every week. I also work out an hour a day. Working out helps me feel like I am doing something proactive but healthy for my body. It keeps me eating, too, because I try to see food as the fuel that keeps me active and enjoying my physical hobbies. Adding martial arts has given me the confidence I hadn't developed in my teens and early 20s. Try getting into some fun physically active hobbies and never be ashamed to get help from a trained professional if you need it -- I can't imagine where I'd be without my therapist and my Shotokan Karate :)
Seriously, there is nothing quite like a lot of confidence in an ability (karate, art, music, etc.) that helps you feel confident in all other areas of your life. You can do this. Stay strong and know that this Daily Strength person believes in you! :)
Also, just noticed the date on your original post -- hope all is going well for you right now! :)