Date with my Dad
Today I had the date with my dad. It went really well. I'm glad. I had a picnic by a canal under a tree and just wrote him a letter. I'm going to keep it private for now... It's nothing big, just me talking about personal things that people here wouldn't understand. I really felt like my dad was beside me, looking down on me and being proud of me. That's one thing I wrote a lot about... I think he's really proud of me for everything that I have accomplished (and my brothers and sister, too). Actually, when I was writing the letter I didn't even think of my little brother, sadly. I just thought of my older brother and sister. My little brother was 4 when my dad died, and so that's all he remembers... just a tiny bit. I wonder how he's doing today. I wonder how all my family is doing. It's been 15 years... I would think that most people would be over it by now, but the passing of a loved one gets easier only when you work on it. I'm working on it now. I'm not trying to dwell on it too much, I don't live my life thinking “what would Dad think?” but at the same time I get depressed almost every year at this time. I think that the new approach by my therapist is helping. I'm supposed to send her this journal and tell her how it went. I was supposed to do something to remember the good times of my dad, and I think I did. My dad and I used to go to the park and have lunch by the lake, so the canal was my way of doing that. It's a flashback to the good times.
I'm glad I did the date with my dad. It gave me some sort of closure, I think. Writing the letter to him is something I think I'm going to do every year, just give him an update on what's going on with me. It will be my tradition. I would love to do the same thing too, go somewhere outside and have a picnic, just me and my dad. I thought about asking Geo if he would come with me, but I wanted it to be just me and my dad. Geo got a taste of what we would do with my dad when we went to Calico Ghost Town in California. My family would go there all the time, and Geo had a great time there. It was like my way of introducing Geo to my dad in a way. He doesn't know it, but at least he had a great memory of the place where my family and I have great memories.
I was thinking more about the nightmares I've been having lately. A couple of them have involved broken drapes. I know it seems funny, but that represents my mom. She's worked with drapes her whole life, it's all she's done. In the nightmare the other night, I was fussing with the drapes to try and hide that we were hiding out in that apartment. In another, the drapes were falling down and I kept trying to fix them and nothing was working. I think that's me wanting to fix my mom but not being able to do anything. She has to do it on her own. She is talking better, at least she was the other night, so that's good. I don't think the stroke will have any permanent damage as long as she doesn't have another one. She has to take better care of herself. I can't do it for her, she has to do it for herself. I want to do it for her, hence the dreams, but I have to learn that she is an adult and is going to do whatever the heck she wants to do with her life.
Work was good today... I got there early so they let me leave early. I've been working with my boss a lot, and not having to deal with people I don't like. Just the guy that's funny (George). So overall, it's going good. There was a bit of stress when I had to make a phone call in Spanish about a program that I didn't know much about, but I was able to do it. George said I did a good job with the translation. He didn't know anything about the program at all, so I was the one that made the call.
Food was good today... I had the sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, and my baked chicken and veggies for dinner. I'm going to have a protein shake soon so I can get my calories and protein for the day, and that will be day 4 in a row that I've been in range! I'm doing good! I've been burning a ton of calories lately, so it's good that I'm getting in my calorie range instead of under where I gain weight by not eating enough. Sleep was good last night, I slept like a baby for about 11 hours. I woke up a bit tired, and I've wanted to take a nap all day, but other than that it was good. Mood has been great today... having that date with my dad really set the day off on the right foot, and I think I'm going to be okay from now on. I can only hope!
I'm glad I did the date with my dad. It gave me some sort of closure, I think. Writing the letter to him is something I think I'm going to do every year, just give him an update on what's going on with me. It will be my tradition. I would love to do the same thing too, go somewhere outside and have a picnic, just me and my dad. I thought about asking Geo if he would come with me, but I wanted it to be just me and my dad. Geo got a taste of what we would do with my dad when we went to Calico Ghost Town in California. My family would go there all the time, and Geo had a great time there. It was like my way of introducing Geo to my dad in a way. He doesn't know it, but at least he had a great memory of the place where my family and I have great memories.
I was thinking more about the nightmares I've been having lately. A couple of them have involved broken drapes. I know it seems funny, but that represents my mom. She's worked with drapes her whole life, it's all she's done. In the nightmare the other night, I was fussing with the drapes to try and hide that we were hiding out in that apartment. In another, the drapes were falling down and I kept trying to fix them and nothing was working. I think that's me wanting to fix my mom but not being able to do anything. She has to do it on her own. She is talking better, at least she was the other night, so that's good. I don't think the stroke will have any permanent damage as long as she doesn't have another one. She has to take better care of herself. I can't do it for her, she has to do it for herself. I want to do it for her, hence the dreams, but I have to learn that she is an adult and is going to do whatever the heck she wants to do with her life.
Work was good today... I got there early so they let me leave early. I've been working with my boss a lot, and not having to deal with people I don't like. Just the guy that's funny (George). So overall, it's going good. There was a bit of stress when I had to make a phone call in Spanish about a program that I didn't know much about, but I was able to do it. George said I did a good job with the translation. He didn't know anything about the program at all, so I was the one that made the call.
Food was good today... I had the sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, and my baked chicken and veggies for dinner. I'm going to have a protein shake soon so I can get my calories and protein for the day, and that will be day 4 in a row that I've been in range! I'm doing good! I've been burning a ton of calories lately, so it's good that I'm getting in my calorie range instead of under where I gain weight by not eating enough. Sleep was good last night, I slept like a baby for about 11 hours. I woke up a bit tired, and I've wanted to take a nap all day, but other than that it was good. Mood has been great today... having that date with my dad really set the day off on the right foot, and I think I'm going to be okay from now on. I can only hope!
Replies