Dating

Another late night for me.... im not so distraught tonight. but sure am thinking alot. i used to like nighttime, now i loathe it. during the day i can pretend i am ok. at night it all catches up to me.i know dating is the last thing i should be worried about, but seriously, i crave intimacy. i just want someone here. this was a time in my life i had looked forward to sharing with someone. While i dont want to start a serious relationship, i think maybe i should go on a date or something. at least feel like someone is interested in me. its strange. cause i dont feel like i would get caught up and start a relationship just cause i dont want to be alone.. im actually more picky and more aware than i have ever been when it comes to men now. im NOT EVER making this mistake again if i can help it. i will never make allowances again. i thought i could live with him not feeling like he was smart enough...i thought i could wait for him to be more mature... i made allowances thinking that i couldnt expect to find MR. Fantasy right... so i made him my mr. right, and said its as good as it gets. NEVER again. I need someone who is mature enough to speak to me in an ADULT manner about how they feel when they feel it, and know better than to let things just pile up. I will not be someones life-learning experience again. im really very hurt... my pride is hurt... my self image is hurt... i feel unwanted. it would be nice to feel wanted a little. or at least feel worth the time of someone taking me out to dinner. maybe take the edge off of thinking about Matt so much.  im really having a hard time getting over this. i really just want to feel cared about.someone asked me, and i think i am going to go. just to see. He dont drink, has a 2 year old daughter, a steady job... so why not. he says he dont care if i am pregnant, and he thinks pregnant women are pretty. I really cant be much more worse off than i am now can i? lets see, no job, no money, no home... no baby's daddy... little support...  hmm... nope, cant hurt much. hell, i hear stories all the time where people meet when they are pregnant and do just fine. so why shouldnt i date? should i wait until im sure? I can never be sure... there is never a sure thing in this life, other than myself. i have to accept that i will always have some issues from my childhood, i will spend the rest of my life working on them... but i think i am smart enough to be able to think around them, and become emotionally secure.