darn it
Yesterday when I was talking to my daughter in law she stated that the Father's Day present that she gave me, my son had bought it for me before he died. It hit me so hard when she told me that, it has been ten and a half months now since he left us and there are some things that still hit me real hard and this was one. Have any of you got the strong feeling that you want to join you loved one who has committed suicide. There I times when I feel this so strongly but don't because of my wife and daughter and the grandkids. I hate it when I get these feelings. I still have a hard time forgiving him, but it is getting better.
Replies
It hurts so much to hear you say that. I wish I could say that I didn\'t understand, but I do. Sometimes the pain just gets to be too much, and the missing him, and wanting to see him and talk to him again are unbearable. I feel that way sometimes. I can\'t imagine how you get through sometimes. The fact is...you have to. Sometimes when I feel that way, and it isn\'t nearly as often as it used to be, I get a sense of what he must have felt and how truly desperate he was. It breaks my heart. It makes me sad that you are suffering. I love you with all of my heart and wish that I could make things better.
Yes, I have, and yes, my husband has. Those feelings come and go, but we have each other and our son. Having that gift is special..he bought it for you, cherish it. peace to your heart , Nora
Yes I have and yes I still do. But I know what my daughter\'s suicide did to me and I would hate to leave those feelings for someone else to have to deal with the rest of their lives so here I am. I think forgiveness comes and goes. Depends on the day. May you find strength in hearing that you are not unique in your thoughts and remember we are here for you. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
I am so sorry that you are hurting this way. My son didn\'t pass because of suicide so I don\'t know exactly what you are going through, but I too have wished I was with him & no longer in this world. I explain the feelings as it is really hard to be alive right now. Hang on for your family. Your son gave you the gift. As Nora said \"Cherish it.\" Love & peace I wish for you. Sincerely, Linda
My daughter was killed by a drunk driver July 27, 2009. One of my sister\'s daughters killed herself in February 2005. Death by any cause leaves us all with feelings of guilt, anger, a need to forgive, sadness and all those other ugly emotions. Even when we have our spouses, other children and grandchildren (we haven\'t been blessed with any grandchildren so far...) here for us, somehow nothing is quite as bright or shiny or happy or worthwhile and I think that most of us at one time or another feel that it simply isn\'t worth the effort to go on. And yet we do, precisely because we don\'t want to inflict the wretched pain that we feel on our beloved family members.
Your son still loves you. What a precious token of his love the Father\'s Day gift is.
I send hugs and thoughts of peace to you ~ Debbie
so sorry. it\'s really unforgiveable the kind of pain he\'s left you with. my cousin did the same thing. i lost my boy, died during his sleep, and i know he\'d rather be alive. it helps me to think that he wouldn\'t want me to suffer too much. he was always amazed and sorry when the consequences of his acts were my being hurt. i\'m sure your son doesn\'t want you to join him in that foolhardy gesture. it solves nothing.
I am so sorry that you are hurting the way you are. I\'m glad that you understand that how much you would hurt the people you love by committing suicide. Are you getting any kind of counseling? I still have feelings of anger at Robin sometimes, because of what she did, taking all those pills, taking the chance of hurting herself, for not asking for help..... I understand your pain, but please, please don\'t put your family through any more than is already there. Love and Hugs, Kathie
I have the same feelings on many days.....I have to fight it. It is exasperating and it makes me realize how desperately sad my son may have been. I have tried not to take it personally but it happens....guilt about things when he was in the fourth grade like when he was diagnosed with ADD and I followed the drs orders and put him on Ritalin.....I think about what that may have done to his brain....I go crazy nit picking my past for answers....none that I will ever have. I do know your pain and know the temptation to die but then I think that I can\'t do it....so, that tells me that I am rational and that I can control it...but those who complete suicide do not think rationally....they are sad beyond the ordinary...they go to God. Have faith and most importantly DO NOT be mad at your child....there is more here than you or I can ever know. Remember that forgiveness is an action not a feeling.....you can forgive your son by merely saying that you do....those feelings of betrayal will subside and then you will one day FEEL the action you have put into place by mere words. Hold that Father\'s Day gift from your son to your heart and know that he loved you. Peace, and more peace....I pray that it will come for us both. Love, dale ,...brandon\'s mom