Dark Days
Today is one week away from my University Graduation. I can honestly say that I really don't want to go. During this very dark and depressing time the last thing I really want to do is sit through a ceremony for 4 hours at a time (after 5 pm) when my symptoms are generally in a flare. Also, i know that my symptoms are worst during times when i am anxious, nervous, uncomfortable. I told my parents today that i didn't want to go to the ceremony and my father as always makes it about him. He starts going off about how i'm going to regret it, and how he has never been to one before and he wants to go, and how he doesnt understand why i wouldnt want to go even when he already deposited the money for my gown...
I just hate how already my dad has managed to make the whole situation about him... its my day isnt it? I suggested that we all go out for lunch, maybe do something at my house instead. Maybe he is right, maybe in 10 years from now i'll think i really wish that i went to my graduation, but today... today i most certainly do not. When i think of next Tuesday i am filled with anxious thoughts. What if my neck is too weak to hold my head up, what if my eyes start to bother me and i cant see properly? What if my legs give out on stage, what if someone tries to talk to me and i cant speak? What if i try to smile and i show my paralyzed face that happens when im anxious?
Why do i have to feel bad about this when this day is suppose to be about me in the first place? Give it to my dad to always make me feel like shit. But i guess the good news is, 2 weeks till my thymectomy... and hopefully ill see better days from that. If not, i have officially been on imuran for 1 month and hopefully get some relief from that as well.
I just hate how already my dad has managed to make the whole situation about him... its my day isnt it? I suggested that we all go out for lunch, maybe do something at my house instead. Maybe he is right, maybe in 10 years from now i'll think i really wish that i went to my graduation, but today... today i most certainly do not. When i think of next Tuesday i am filled with anxious thoughts. What if my neck is too weak to hold my head up, what if my eyes start to bother me and i cant see properly? What if my legs give out on stage, what if someone tries to talk to me and i cant speak? What if i try to smile and i show my paralyzed face that happens when im anxious?
Why do i have to feel bad about this when this day is suppose to be about me in the first place? Give it to my dad to always make me feel like shit. But i guess the good news is, 2 weeks till my thymectomy... and hopefully ill see better days from that. If not, i have officially been on imuran for 1 month and hopefully get some relief from that as well.
Replies
As a parent, I can say I would not require my child to do this, but parents - like everyone - can be misinformed. An intention can be good (I think you\'ll regret your decision) even though it might look wrong (as a parent it\'s about me). I assume you\'ve made your case as to why you do not want to attend. You should try to answer the questions you\'ve asked yourself and decide if fear is holding you back or whether you truly do not feel up to it. Whatever you decide should be to satisfy your own needs and wants. Hugs.
I think you (and your parents) should be extremely proud that, despite your illness, you completed your degree. Congratulations! I always believe you make decisions based on what you know and what\'s best for you at the time. If you don\'t go and look back at that decision you will may be disappointed but you will remember that it was the right one for you at the time. Hope that makes sense! Good luck for your thymectomy. With that behind you and the Imuran you will hopefully regain you health and have those better days. Gez
HUGS. I can totally understand. I graduated in 2008 and my parents did the same. I am here if you wanna vent.
That\'s a tough question to ask yourself. Be VERY proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. But I can understand where you are coming from. From someone who had to do home schooling for high school & because of MG became painfully shy I encouraged my daughter to do it all so there wasn\'t any regrets. And I do envy her sometimes. She is very outgoing & not afraid to let people close. Don\'t let your dad be your deciding factor, this is your day.
Love Debbie
Compromise is the answer to most things. Let your parents attend the whole ceremony and you swoop in for the actual presentation. You surely can arrange a \"medical\" excuse for skipping much of the day\'s activities--but be present for the key parts.
As a parent, getting a son or daughter through college is a very big deal! Think of all of the time parents spend to get you to this place. For us (I am a parent), this is really a recognition of us as much as it is for you. You will not regret doing this for them. Weddings and graduations are really for the parents! By the way--Congratulations!
Thanks everyone. I think i have decided that being so angry about it was a heat of the moment situation. I have decided to go, and like you all have said my parents have invested so much money into my education... especially when all this bad has past, i will regret not going. I\'m sure i can make it through the ceremony... and plus, its just a ceremony. Thanks for all your words and understanding :)
Good luck!
Congratulation. You made it through all your trials. Take your medication so that by 5:00pm you will still be strong. Your parents are proud of all you have accomplish. God Bless. Cabbage7