dang it.

Don't have time to read everything today.  Just read some of my friends' journal entries, but need to leave so haven't read posts.
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I have to go to dinner with my husband's family tonight.  It will take everythin I have to smile through it.  It's one of those days where my chest is heavy and it takes effort to just breath.
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i think I'm starting to panic a little bit.  Not a full blown panic like other people picture, but a CFS where I don't have energy to SHOW how I feel.  I am not managing very well.  Too tired to communicate.  Almost too tired to hope and that is a bit frightening.  I don't want to lose that because hope is life.
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I must go.  My head was floating, now just aches.  My arms hurt and I have to rest my hands and just move my fingers to type.  My legs feel hollow.  I'm dizzy when I stand to walk.
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And then....I put on my "I can do this face" and walk out the door.  Inside I am screaming for relief.  On the outside nobody knows just how really sick I feel.
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Tired of the masquerade.
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carry on.