dang it.
Don't have time to read everything today. Just read some of my friends' journal entries, but need to leave so haven't read posts.
*******************************
I have to go to dinner with my husband's family tonight. It will take everythin I have to smile through it. It's one of those days where my chest is heavy and it takes effort to just breath.
*******************************
i think I'm starting to panic a little bit. Not a full blown panic like other people picture, but a CFS where I don't have energy to SHOW how I feel. I am not managing very well. Too tired to communicate. Almost too tired to hope and that is a bit frightening. I don't want to lose that because hope is life.
*******************************
I must go. My head was floating, now just aches. My arms hurt and I have to rest my hands and just move my fingers to type. My legs feel hollow. I'm dizzy when I stand to walk.
********************************
And then....I put on my "I can do this face" and walk out the door. Inside I am screaming for relief. On the outside nobody knows just how really sick I feel.
******************************
Tired of the masquerade.
*******************************
carry on.
*******************************
I have to go to dinner with my husband's family tonight. It will take everythin I have to smile through it. It's one of those days where my chest is heavy and it takes effort to just breath.
*******************************
i think I'm starting to panic a little bit. Not a full blown panic like other people picture, but a CFS where I don't have energy to SHOW how I feel. I am not managing very well. Too tired to communicate. Almost too tired to hope and that is a bit frightening. I don't want to lose that because hope is life.
*******************************
I must go. My head was floating, now just aches. My arms hurt and I have to rest my hands and just move my fingers to type. My legs feel hollow. I'm dizzy when I stand to walk.
********************************
And then....I put on my "I can do this face" and walk out the door. Inside I am screaming for relief. On the outside nobody knows just how really sick I feel.
******************************
Tired of the masquerade.
*******************************
carry on.
Replies
Wow, Katy. I am SO Sorry you are having such a rough time.
{{{{Katy}}}}
I do know how you feel and how scary it is...trust me...I go there too. Luckily, for me, it passes and I have better days...physically and mentally. If not for those, well, I probably would not be here.
and as for \"on the outside\" nobody knows just how sick you truly feel...I KNOW!!!!!
I think that way almost daily. I get up and get ready for work or whatever and have my hair \"done\" and make-up on and can feel like i am on deaths door...and yet nobody really can see that. Having \"invisible illnesses\" is an odd thing to contend with.
Granted, the steroids make me puffy and my eyes do look stroke like when I am tired ( which is often) but other than that I \"look normal\". HA! If only people TRULY knew!
However, this has helped me in a lot of ways in life...by getting dressed and made up ( even those days when once I do that I have gotten so weak and so tired I have had to go take a nap right afterwards)it helps me feel better about myself and maybe feel somehwat normal..whatever that means these days. And most importantly, When I look at others now, I wonder if they too are going through some battle that is invisible?! ( especially like the other day seeing yet another \"normal looking person\" using a handicapped spot! usually I judge that but have really tried hard not to anymore because there are days I look VERY healthy and yet people don\'t know my legs are so weak that walking is very difficult!
Anyway, I hope you HOLD ON!!! As hard as that is...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
you are in my thoughts!
HUGE HUGS AND WISHES YOU WILL FEEL BETTER RIGHT NOW!
So, how\'d it go?