DAMN IT ! I hate my Computer !!!! UGH !!!! AND My Life !

This is the SECOND TIME in about a Week that as I was writing a very thorough LONG Journal Entry, that I ended up LOSING IT !!!!! UGH !!! So I'm going to try to give You the abridged Version of it ! I HATE MY LIFE... I'M NOT HAPPY, AND I DON'T THINK MY PARENTS WOULD MISS ME IF I DISAPPEARED ! They make Me feel like a Complete Failure, and a Complete Headache to Them ! I think the ONLY thing they would Miss about Me is because then They wouldn't have Anyone to badger, nag at, criticize, and generally try to control ! I've always been a FAILURE to them, and NOTHING I've EVER done has EVER been Good Enough for Them ! Other Than This... I don't think I was Meant to EVER BE HAPPY ! All My Life Happiness has ALWAYS BEEN JUST OUT OF MY REACH ! I can see them in the Distance, but no matter what I do I can NEVER reach it ! My Mom in Her Own Words - several times lately - has basically told Me that I MIGHT WELL HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN, because of ALL of the PAIN I'm in Every Day because of My Knees ! My Mom actually said in the Last Phone Conversation I had with Her, " I wish I had Never Given Birth to You, to be in Pain like You're in. "Basically to ME that seemed like She was saying... " I wish You had NEVER BEEN BORN ! "It HURT ME beyond Words, but I hid My Pain from Her. I waited until After I had hung up to start Crying. I just sat there in my Chair staring out at Nothing, and then started Crying into My Hands... still sitting there. I can't ask Her about it now, because any EXTRA Stress on Her can potentially make Her Parkinson's disease symptoms worse ! So I can't even ask Her to clarify it... and asking My Dad about it is OUT, since He's still have to ask Her about it ! On TOP of ALL of that.... It Hurts Me so much to Think that My Niece went through a Situation similar to the MANY Times that My ExBf physically HURT ME ! I NEVER wanted Her to EVER go through something like that, of course !!! AND... to know the Heart Break, and Misery, that one of My Best Friends is Now going through because of the Loss of One of His Young Sons.... Hurts ME Deeply ! I'm on Zoloft for Depression, and Xanax for Anxiety, but They don't seem to be Helping too much Lately... since all I want to really do right now is go to Sleep... and Stay in a Dark Room as long as Possible. When I'm awake I'm just reminded of ALL of the Misery going on around Me, and IN My Own Heart. At least when I'm Asleep I can Dream of Better Things.