damnit
I have two cousins who are in a bad place right now, one is worse that the other.
My cousin Laura married and gave birth young, legally an adult when her son was born, but young, to Billy. They had a son, Seth and later another son Blake. Some things happened and they divorced. Laura let Billy have physical custody of the boys because she didn't have a job and by the time of the divorce being final was living with her mom because she couldn't afford the apartment. Billy was living with his girlfriend April, her three children and his girlfriend's brother Eric. They shared joint custody of the two boys.
The day of my high school graduation, Laura brought the two boys. That is my last memory of them. I would not see Seth again for over five years and I still haven't seen Blake yet. This is why:
Billy picked up and moved, without telling Laura, and vanished from our lives with the boys. We were upset and after looking for years we couldn't find them. One day four and a half years later we got a phone call from Laura saying they had found Seth.
Seth had acted out violently in his school and at one point threw poop at another student. So he was removed from the home and sent to a school for boys with "difficulties" in social behavior. He had been there a year before he was allowed to tell him mother.
During this year Billy told the DCF workers that Seth had learned these behaviors from my side of the family. That we (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) had abused him and shown him sexual explicit material which was causing him to act out. Finally after five years of waiting we got to see Seth. After several background checks, and special classes to make sure we wouldn't be sexually offending when talking to him.
Seth was 8 years old when he was put into that school, he will be 14 in January. Not because he did anything, but because the system dropped him though a crack. Within 6 months of my parents finding out that he was there, set about the process to get him out and bring him into their home. Laura and her mom, my aunt, Tina, haven't been working very hard to do this.
We had to prove that we were not violent, dangerous and abusive people. In the mean time Billy is whispering that they shouldn't believe us. Which delayed things until my folks proved that they were safe people for this child to live with. They took the classes, got more background checks and did the required counseling. Seth was ready to come home, when something stupid happened. My brother Nate was in a minor car accident, no one was hurt, but he was under 18 and there was another minor in the car, so after a whole bunch of more bullshit on that they revoked his license. (stating minors with other minors in the car should never be allowed to drive, because this 5mph accident -recorded at 5mph by responding officer who didn't even show up to court when Nate challenged- and Nate -who is over 6'5"- didn't look like a good person -the judge said Nate looked like a punk, despite the pressed clean suit, the clean shaved face, and my parents being there, also despite the fact he holds a job, pays his truck insurance, was doing well in school and working the technical division of the school as well- So his license was revoked and he had to pay for a new one) Billy told DCF that this proved my folks couldn't deal with Seth and the state revoked my parents ability to take Seth.
So all the hard work my parents put in and Seth put in was lost because they took the word of Billy as better than that of my parents. Billy I might ass, who never visited his son, and when he did call, would up set Seth so much he would act out and get in trouble after.
It took months of therapy to get him to talk about what happened to him. He still wont talk about the sexual abuse, he starts to then gets scared and acts out. Sometimes when he feels safe he starts to talk about some sick things but clams up again.
Billy and April would lock them in the basement for the day, no food or water for sometimes three days at a time. They were not allowed to play with Aprils children, or the toys. Billy would tape the boys to the toilet for hours. They would beat them, burn them and neglect them. They weren't allowed to wear clean clothes, and had to wear the clothes Aprils children were done wearing. They weren't given clothes that fit, shoes that fit, toothbrushes, hairbrushes or allowed to take baths more than once a week. Aprils brother liked to show porn where the kids could watch and describe things to them. (Please remember Seth was 8 when he was removed from the house, he lived with them for 4 years). April and Billy encouraged Aprils children to beat up, bite, scratch, and bruise Seth and Blake, and take their food.
April later had her own children removed and is no longer allowed to live with them or have unsupervised meetings with them.
Blake was removed for six months before DCF said "this is a safe, happy and healthy home". Billy and April have once again moved without telling anyone. We don't know where Blake is now.
In January Seth will be 14 years old, he has spent ages 8 - 14 in this institution because of what Billy has told DCF.
Seth and Blake have been pushed between the cracks and no one cares. My parents are fighting light wet pole cats to get this child out of there, Laura has given up. She has since gotten remarried and had 3 more boys.
Seth is finally being moved towards placement with my parents of his grandmother.
Last night I found out about Blake. About Bill and APril taking him again. About DCF failing to protect this child. DCF failing to remove a child from what has been deemed an unsafe place for children (Billy and April have assault and child abuse charges filed against them by the way).
My folks have been fighting for 5 years to bring these boys home and DCF is dragging its feet. Playing the "we don't know if you are suited" game. All three of my parents children are adults, they are active, productive members of society in stable relationships. My parents have been together for 34 years, they own their home, they are good people, who are trying. But they aren't good enough? They have passed every background check, they hold good jobs, and provide. But they aren't good enough?
DCF is going to put a child (Blake) back in to a home he repeatedly begged them not to. Blake told in more detail (without having seen Seth in over 2 years, but still the same stories) about the abuse, even the sexual abuse. That is a caring, safe and happy place? Where a child has begged and begged not to be put, and they put him back there? This is okay?
After being gone for so long, Seth and Blake both told the DCF people how they remembered my parents, me and my brothers. How they were always happy with us.
DCF wont even take into account that my parents go every week and sometimes twice a week (he is housed in a different state) to visit this boy, they have taken every class, every counseling session, have jumped through every hoop put before them. They wont take into account that Seth has asked repeatedly to go home with my parents, that he says he feels "safe, loved and happy" there.
Both boys have begged not to be put back with their father. They have both begged to go home with my parents. My parents have filed the paperwork, have done what was asked and begged to have the boys come home with them. Only to have Blake put back in that hell hole and Seth to sit in purgatory.
These children are being abused. They are victims with no voice and no power to change that.
It makes me sick to think about. Right now we give support to the one child we can find, and send prayers and try legal action for the one who has been taken away.
In my head at night I see them. Their bright faces, their happy eyes, their cubby cheeks. Just like the last time I saw them together. Then I think of Seth, growing up. And I wonder about Blake, how he is growing up. There is hope for Seth, we can get him out and he knows people love him. Blake is being abused and told no one loves him, and we can't stop it.
This whole thing is bullshit to the max. These children deserve better. And they deserve a system that doesn't hold them back from it.
I don't believe taking a child away from their parents because they no longer feel like going to church because they want to stay home and play video games (this was an actual case in Washington state) But when you have this much documented abuse in a home you should never be putting the children back in!
The whole thing is [deleted] up and its like spinning bald tires on ice. sooner or later we will drown before we can help because they are working against positive outcomes.
My cousin Laura married and gave birth young, legally an adult when her son was born, but young, to Billy. They had a son, Seth and later another son Blake. Some things happened and they divorced. Laura let Billy have physical custody of the boys because she didn't have a job and by the time of the divorce being final was living with her mom because she couldn't afford the apartment. Billy was living with his girlfriend April, her three children and his girlfriend's brother Eric. They shared joint custody of the two boys.
The day of my high school graduation, Laura brought the two boys. That is my last memory of them. I would not see Seth again for over five years and I still haven't seen Blake yet. This is why:
Billy picked up and moved, without telling Laura, and vanished from our lives with the boys. We were upset and after looking for years we couldn't find them. One day four and a half years later we got a phone call from Laura saying they had found Seth.
Seth had acted out violently in his school and at one point threw poop at another student. So he was removed from the home and sent to a school for boys with "difficulties" in social behavior. He had been there a year before he was allowed to tell him mother.
During this year Billy told the DCF workers that Seth had learned these behaviors from my side of the family. That we (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) had abused him and shown him sexual explicit material which was causing him to act out. Finally after five years of waiting we got to see Seth. After several background checks, and special classes to make sure we wouldn't be sexually offending when talking to him.
Seth was 8 years old when he was put into that school, he will be 14 in January. Not because he did anything, but because the system dropped him though a crack. Within 6 months of my parents finding out that he was there, set about the process to get him out and bring him into their home. Laura and her mom, my aunt, Tina, haven't been working very hard to do this.
We had to prove that we were not violent, dangerous and abusive people. In the mean time Billy is whispering that they shouldn't believe us. Which delayed things until my folks proved that they were safe people for this child to live with. They took the classes, got more background checks and did the required counseling. Seth was ready to come home, when something stupid happened. My brother Nate was in a minor car accident, no one was hurt, but he was under 18 and there was another minor in the car, so after a whole bunch of more bullshit on that they revoked his license. (stating minors with other minors in the car should never be allowed to drive, because this 5mph accident -recorded at 5mph by responding officer who didn't even show up to court when Nate challenged- and Nate -who is over 6'5"- didn't look like a good person -the judge said Nate looked like a punk, despite the pressed clean suit, the clean shaved face, and my parents being there, also despite the fact he holds a job, pays his truck insurance, was doing well in school and working the technical division of the school as well- So his license was revoked and he had to pay for a new one) Billy told DCF that this proved my folks couldn't deal with Seth and the state revoked my parents ability to take Seth.
So all the hard work my parents put in and Seth put in was lost because they took the word of Billy as better than that of my parents. Billy I might ass, who never visited his son, and when he did call, would up set Seth so much he would act out and get in trouble after.
It took months of therapy to get him to talk about what happened to him. He still wont talk about the sexual abuse, he starts to then gets scared and acts out. Sometimes when he feels safe he starts to talk about some sick things but clams up again.
Billy and April would lock them in the basement for the day, no food or water for sometimes three days at a time. They were not allowed to play with Aprils children, or the toys. Billy would tape the boys to the toilet for hours. They would beat them, burn them and neglect them. They weren't allowed to wear clean clothes, and had to wear the clothes Aprils children were done wearing. They weren't given clothes that fit, shoes that fit, toothbrushes, hairbrushes or allowed to take baths more than once a week. Aprils brother liked to show porn where the kids could watch and describe things to them. (Please remember Seth was 8 when he was removed from the house, he lived with them for 4 years). April and Billy encouraged Aprils children to beat up, bite, scratch, and bruise Seth and Blake, and take their food.
April later had her own children removed and is no longer allowed to live with them or have unsupervised meetings with them.
Blake was removed for six months before DCF said "this is a safe, happy and healthy home". Billy and April have once again moved without telling anyone. We don't know where Blake is now.
In January Seth will be 14 years old, he has spent ages 8 - 14 in this institution because of what Billy has told DCF.
Seth and Blake have been pushed between the cracks and no one cares. My parents are fighting light wet pole cats to get this child out of there, Laura has given up. She has since gotten remarried and had 3 more boys.
Seth is finally being moved towards placement with my parents of his grandmother.
Last night I found out about Blake. About Bill and APril taking him again. About DCF failing to protect this child. DCF failing to remove a child from what has been deemed an unsafe place for children (Billy and April have assault and child abuse charges filed against them by the way).
My folks have been fighting for 5 years to bring these boys home and DCF is dragging its feet. Playing the "we don't know if you are suited" game. All three of my parents children are adults, they are active, productive members of society in stable relationships. My parents have been together for 34 years, they own their home, they are good people, who are trying. But they aren't good enough? They have passed every background check, they hold good jobs, and provide. But they aren't good enough?
DCF is going to put a child (Blake) back in to a home he repeatedly begged them not to. Blake told in more detail (without having seen Seth in over 2 years, but still the same stories) about the abuse, even the sexual abuse. That is a caring, safe and happy place? Where a child has begged and begged not to be put, and they put him back there? This is okay?
After being gone for so long, Seth and Blake both told the DCF people how they remembered my parents, me and my brothers. How they were always happy with us.
DCF wont even take into account that my parents go every week and sometimes twice a week (he is housed in a different state) to visit this boy, they have taken every class, every counseling session, have jumped through every hoop put before them. They wont take into account that Seth has asked repeatedly to go home with my parents, that he says he feels "safe, loved and happy" there.
Both boys have begged not to be put back with their father. They have both begged to go home with my parents. My parents have filed the paperwork, have done what was asked and begged to have the boys come home with them. Only to have Blake put back in that hell hole and Seth to sit in purgatory.
These children are being abused. They are victims with no voice and no power to change that.
It makes me sick to think about. Right now we give support to the one child we can find, and send prayers and try legal action for the one who has been taken away.
In my head at night I see them. Their bright faces, their happy eyes, their cubby cheeks. Just like the last time I saw them together. Then I think of Seth, growing up. And I wonder about Blake, how he is growing up. There is hope for Seth, we can get him out and he knows people love him. Blake is being abused and told no one loves him, and we can't stop it.
This whole thing is bullshit to the max. These children deserve better. And they deserve a system that doesn't hold them back from it.
I don't believe taking a child away from their parents because they no longer feel like going to church because they want to stay home and play video games (this was an actual case in Washington state) But when you have this much documented abuse in a home you should never be putting the children back in!
The whole thing is [deleted] up and its like spinning bald tires on ice. sooner or later we will drown before we can help because they are working against positive outcomes.
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