DAMNIT!!!!

The reality of what I did last evening has hit again.  Why can't I live in my fantasy world and be alone with it!! Why does reality always come back, reality in my opinion sucks!!  No matter how hard I try using old will (willpower) I cannot overcome these chains.  They are there ever reminding me how much I fail, how much I'll never get out and forward in life.  Keeping me back, slaving me to repeat the same onsense.  I have so much support and I just blow it.  I keep blowing it.  Why do people love me?