daily grind on the soul
I really feel at a loss right. I know any hour now I will get another migraine. The pain is coming and nothing I do will stop it. I know I have to push on and go to work tomorrow and live life. People will play their people games and I will be unarmed and vulnerable but I will hide it. I will struggle harder than anyone and never get credit for it. I will suffer in silence another day.
The anger in me builds. "but at least you don't have cancer'' the good voice in my head says. "but I wish I was dead" the bad voice in my head screams louder. Almost every day I think that.
So what happens? I get Graves disease to complicate matters. Did I wish this disease upon myself? DID I!? DID !? Maybe I deserve this too. I can't control the migraines for all the abstenance of food I eat, so I probably brought this on. sure, I blame myself for my migraines. Who wouldn't? Everyone says....have you tried....??? Well if you haven't tried, then how do you know...??? I must be stupid if I haven't tried EVERYTHING by now. Last February I actually admitted myself to a trial to have heart surgery to make it go away. HEART SURGERY TO MAKE MIGRAINES go away. How friggen desperate is that? I failed the test.
If my family and friends really knew how I feel.
90 days until I see the Migraine Doctor Robinson. Please God, let him be the one to help me break the daily migraines. DONT TELL ME IT"S REBOUND! It's not my fault!!!! I go days without pills and it doesn't matter. I NEED HELP! I DON"T EAT! I FRIGGEN HURT! I"M DYING INSIDE! IT HURTS SO BAD! ITS NOT MY FAULT! I WANT TO LIVE
The anger in me builds. "but at least you don't have cancer'' the good voice in my head says. "but I wish I was dead" the bad voice in my head screams louder. Almost every day I think that.
So what happens? I get Graves disease to complicate matters. Did I wish this disease upon myself? DID I!? DID !? Maybe I deserve this too. I can't control the migraines for all the abstenance of food I eat, so I probably brought this on. sure, I blame myself for my migraines. Who wouldn't? Everyone says....have you tried....??? Well if you haven't tried, then how do you know...??? I must be stupid if I haven't tried EVERYTHING by now. Last February I actually admitted myself to a trial to have heart surgery to make it go away. HEART SURGERY TO MAKE MIGRAINES go away. How friggen desperate is that? I failed the test.
If my family and friends really knew how I feel.
90 days until I see the Migraine Doctor Robinson. Please God, let him be the one to help me break the daily migraines. DONT TELL ME IT"S REBOUND! It's not my fault!!!! I go days without pills and it doesn't matter. I NEED HELP! I DON"T EAT! I FRIGGEN HURT! I"M DYING INSIDE! IT HURTS SO BAD! ITS NOT MY FAULT! I WANT TO LIVE
Replies
after getting a migraine on monday 1st time in 5 yrs since my last 1---I cant even imagine getting one on a daily basis,you poor thing.I really hope the migraine dr can help you...((HUGS)) for putting up with them all this time.
Of course it\'s not your fault!!! Anyone who experiences even a little pain knows that no-one would suffer by choice!! I am sorry for all you are dealing with... and hope that this 90 days flys by... and that you get some easing up of the pain while you are waiting.
Sending lots of positive thoughts and healing energy for you.
Take care... Gaye... xxx
Your journal entry could have been one of my own. I can empathize with you and understand your struggles and pain. I\'ve dealt with the exact same issues (minus the Graves disease). I truly hope that you will find some help when you see the new dr. Only sorry it takes so long to get in with one. I know it\'s hard, but try to hold on to hope!