daily grind on the soul
I really feel at a loss right. I know any hour now I will get another migraine. The pain is coming and nothing I do will stop it. I know I have to push on and go to work tomorrow and live life. People will play their people games and I will be unarmed and vulnerable but I will hide it. I will struggle harder than anyone and never get credit for it. I will suffer in silence another day.
The anger in me builds. "but at least you don't have cancer'' the good voice in my head says. "but I wish I was dead" the bad voice in my head screams louder. Almost every day I think that.
So what happens? I get Graves disease to complicate matters. Did I wish this disease upon myself? DID I!? DID !? Maybe I deserve this too. I can't control the migraines for all the abstenance of food I eat, so I probably brought this on. sure, I blame myself for my migraines. Who wouldn't? Everyone says....have you tried....??? Well if you haven't tried, then how do you know...??? I must be stupid if I haven't tried EVERYTHING by now. Last February I actually admitted myself to a trial to have heart surgery to make it go away. HEART SURGERY TO MAKE MIGRAINES go away. How friggen desperate is that? I failed the test.
If my family and friends really knew how I feel.
90 days until I see the Migraine Doctor Robinson. Please God, let him be the one to help me break the daily migraines. DONT TELL ME IT"S REBOUND! It's not my fault!!!! I go days without pills and it doesn't matter. I NEED HELP! I DON"T EAT! I FRIGGEN HURT! I"M DYING INSIDE! IT HURTS SO BAD! ITS NOT MY FAULT! I WANT TO LIVE
The anger in me builds. "but at least you don't have cancer'' the good voice in my head says. "but I wish I was dead" the bad voice in my head screams louder. Almost every day I think that.
So what happens? I get Graves disease to complicate matters. Did I wish this disease upon myself? DID I!? DID !? Maybe I deserve this too. I can't control the migraines for all the abstenance of food I eat, so I probably brought this on. sure, I blame myself for my migraines. Who wouldn't? Everyone says....have you tried....??? Well if you haven't tried, then how do you know...??? I must be stupid if I haven't tried EVERYTHING by now. Last February I actually admitted myself to a trial to have heart surgery to make it go away. HEART SURGERY TO MAKE MIGRAINES go away. How friggen desperate is that? I failed the test.
If my family and friends really knew how I feel.
90 days until I see the Migraine Doctor Robinson. Please God, let him be the one to help me break the daily migraines. DONT TELL ME IT"S REBOUND! It's not my fault!!!! I go days without pills and it doesn't matter. I NEED HELP! I DON"T EAT! I FRIGGEN HURT! I"M DYING INSIDE! IT HURTS SO BAD! ITS NOT MY FAULT! I WANT TO LIVE
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