Dad sick and struggling

I just don't even know what to say or where to begin. The last few days have been very very tough. My dad having just had surgery to place a trach and feeding tube. I am still not sure it was the best decision for him. He is still recovering and I have to try and remind myself of this because it is so hard to see him this way. He is in so much pain and he is so confused tonight and pulling at his trach. I am not sure if this is realted to the medication or just they way he feels. If he wants the trach out and of sound mind I would take it out in a heart beat. I just love my father and don't want to see him suffer in any form. I would miss him dearly if he was gone but I don't want to see him stay like this either. It is really hard with my wedding in 10 days and to realize there is a very good chance that he will not be able to come and to walk me down the isle. I have wonderful brother that can step in but it is not the same as having your dad give you away. I am dealing with so much and not really sure how to get through this all. All I can hope for is tomorrow being a better day and seeing some improvement a sign that he is on the mend and that this is the right desicion for him. I am in school right now as well and it is so difficult to not feel guilty that I am putting that off for now as dad needs me. My birthday is on sunday and all I want is for him to be at least back home to our small town hospital or even better well enough that he can be back home with my mom. I just hate that I am so far away and won't be able to help when he gets back home. I think about moving closer but the times like this when he is very sick and in the hospital near me it is so nice to be able to go there and be there for him and mom when he needs me most so I do help out just not all the time. I believe my siblings appriciate that I am so close and can spend lots of time at the hospital with him. Well I believe that is all for now. My brain is pretty shot and I feel very numb inside right now.