Cycling

I'm in denial again.  I don't think the SA happened.  Maybe it didn't.  The memory is so elusive.
 
I was just doing the workbook for group and it asks "Describe your feelings towards those people that betrayed you" and a few days ago I would have said angry, but now that I'm doubting, I feel nothing.  (good reason to doubt, lol)
 
If it happened, this cycle of denial & acceptance and whatever the grieving cycle is, is normal and it's okay that I'm doubting.  If it didn't happen, than it's good that I'm doubting it because then I'll be able to go towards the truth.  Right?  Either way . . . it's okay.
 
I'm choosing to believe that there is a God who knows the truth and desires to set me free from the bondage I'm in, whether it's rooted in SA or something else.  Either way I just need to keep seeking Him.