Cutting myself
Last night i cut for the first time ever in my life,i dont know how it felt i wasnt with it. I was walking to work and i saw a peace of glass on the floor,so i went into the woods and slashed parts of my body with the glass,i cut my neck,chest,arms stomac and leg tore my clothes off then i phoned the police and said id been raped again,which i hadnt i have no idea why i did it or why i said the most awfull on earth had happened to me again,i said a man had attacked me with a knife after a few hours i came clean to police and told them i lied. I broke down and was in a mess, the officer could see i needed help and advised me to see a mental health officer, i feel so ashamed with myself and hate myself right now,i lied to my ex boyfriend and he was devastated, but wen i told him the truth he as been fantastic,he said e will help best way he can. Ive been to the doctors today and changed my anti depressents as the doctor thinks it was them that caused my mania, she also refferd me to a mental health team. I feel ashamed and hurt
Replies
There is no need to feel ashamed. You admitted your mistake and now your going to get some help. I\'m sure everything will be fine (HUgs)
Hi thwmoonshadow thanx that means alot x
First off, I am sorry to hear. Second, You should be PROUD that you had the courage to come clean with what really happened. And third, you should be grateful that you have the strong will to seek help before it gets worse.
When I was cutting, I had one of my kids ask me where my scars were coming from. That was enough for me. I have not cut since. Just food for thought ;).
Best wishes to you Paula.
I am so sorry that you felt such pain and anguish as to feel the need to cut or harm yourself in any way. I so understand you trying to cover with the rape story, but also glad you had the courage to admit the truth. I hope you will love yourself enough to accept some help. No shame...you are obviously in much pain.
Hope you find peace and healing really soon. Hugs.
Jedoispartir thanx for your kind words im sorry to hear u av cut before but glad u stopped. I dont know why i did it as it didnt feel good. Think my meds contributed hope ur well x
Littlegirl413 hi thanx for the message, im seeking help know ive already seen my gp hope ur well x
The meds may make you feel bad sometimes. Take care and do things that make you feel good. I used to cut too. It only makes things worse because one doesn\'t feel well with oneself. My prayers are with you.
Thanx positiveoutlook appreciate your reply
I really feel for you, Paula. It must have been so hard to come clean to the police and to admit you needed help. You can be proud of yourself for that and I\'m glad they were so supportive, as was your boyfriend.
This wasn\'t totally your fault if the mania was induced as a side-effect of the medication. The positive thing is that you told the truth and that you sought help. You did well, girl. Focus on that.
Thanx drbeaker thats really kind of u hope the police see it that way x
Hey Paula, cutting is a disease, but you are precious and wonderful. Like any disease, it takes time, care and medicine to find relief. Getting the right meds is paramount to having clarity when it comes to addressing the pain, fear and sadness inside. Peace and comfort to you Paula, make today as beautiful as you are and it becomes contagious. :) Sam
Hey sam thanx i will get help i promise x
I am so glad you told the truth about the rape. I am also sorry that you are going through so much pain. I know the desire to cut is overwhelming.
You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty about. You did nothing wrong. I was told that whenever I felt the desire to harm myself to remember to take those feelings that are causing the cutting to hand them over to the person who abused me in a virtual image. I no longer cut. Between therapy and my placing the blame on my abuser the desire to cut has gone away. I know things aren\'t simple. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and do find someone who can help you understand and deal with what is going on. Hugs
HI. YOu just invited me to be your friend. I dont yet know why. I would like to offer my opinion. From your description this wasnt planned, it sort of just happened. The glass led to cutting, the cutting led to stripping, which led to trying to expain your injuries ect.
What i see is an expression of how you feel. YOu feel brutalized. You feel raped. You feel violated and disgusting. YOu feel shame and guilt.
This is all about not healing from your past. IN my own terms I would call you spiritually sick. This sickness did not come from you, but from those who perpetrated crimes molestation rape and other abuse against you.
All you really did was scream \"I AM IN PAIN\"
well I hear you.
Because of your abuse you may not have healthy modes of expressing your emotions or understanding your feelings, what they mean, why you have them ect.
A few things I would advise, Do not hate yourself or your perp or anyone else. Hate what was done to you, hate it if it happens to anyone else, hate suffering famine disease and pestulance, DO NOT Hate yourself. IF you struggle with this lemme know we can talk about it.
Hi duelforce35 thanx for your kind words and advise i will take this into account and i wont be cutting again