Cutting

I broke my two days of being clean and cut again, but this time was different. I had used a old, dull pair of kitchen shears that didn't do much damage even when I pressed really hard. Tonight I got so frustrated I pulled apart my big brother's plastic razor head and used one of the three blades. I was so used to having a dull blade that barely even brought up blood and wasn't prepared for how easily the razor cut. I cut five times. If I had used my dull blade, they would have looked like I had scratched myself. Instead I was suddenly faced with five cuts that made the skin open up unlike I had seen before. The blood joined together, pooled around and went everywhere.
I had no bandaids and was forced to tie paper towels around my arm, fake a cramp and go out to buy more bandages. I'm now all patched up and have the sense to contact my therapist TONIGHT. I'm going to get myself help.