Cursing the Beautiful Day
Dear Friends.
I am pretty wobbly, to tell you the truth. I show up for work but I feel too exhausted to think straight. I would love to have a few more months of R&R but that's not an option. I cry infrequently and very briefly -- I usually make myself smile with how useless it is. Andy is gone and nothing will bring him back. But I cry and cry some more, little bits, here and there. Would it help if I could really howl? Just never gets there.
My pain is for all of us who loved him, who have to mush on without him, and mostly for his sweet wife Heidi (married the day before he passed -- I'll tell you more about her soon) and his brother Byron, my only other child. They will miss him for the rest of their lives, and as a parent you know how much it hurts to not be able to help your kids. Luckily, yes, we have lots of family and friends and the ones who 'matter' totally get it that we are never going to be the same or Get Over It like an sprained ankle or flooded basement.
I'm in Maine. The summer is gorgeous and it's my favorite season (especially here where the winters are cold like yours) but I was just thinking to myself: what a shitty summer. :o) Sorry about the language -- is it ok? Just trying to humor myself. Byron's GF Caitlin just broke her jaw in a bicycle fall, had to have major surgery and is wired shut and will be laid up for weeks. Poor sweetie. I do adore my daughters-in-love. I should give thanks that I feel healthy and in fact am about to go for a run. Endorphins: miracle mood drug.
All the best to you and yours ~ hugs, hope, and healing ~
Sarah
I am pretty wobbly, to tell you the truth. I show up for work but I feel too exhausted to think straight. I would love to have a few more months of R&R but that's not an option. I cry infrequently and very briefly -- I usually make myself smile with how useless it is. Andy is gone and nothing will bring him back. But I cry and cry some more, little bits, here and there. Would it help if I could really howl? Just never gets there.
My pain is for all of us who loved him, who have to mush on without him, and mostly for his sweet wife Heidi (married the day before he passed -- I'll tell you more about her soon) and his brother Byron, my only other child. They will miss him for the rest of their lives, and as a parent you know how much it hurts to not be able to help your kids. Luckily, yes, we have lots of family and friends and the ones who 'matter' totally get it that we are never going to be the same or Get Over It like an sprained ankle or flooded basement.
I'm in Maine. The summer is gorgeous and it's my favorite season (especially here where the winters are cold like yours) but I was just thinking to myself: what a shitty summer. :o) Sorry about the language -- is it ok? Just trying to humor myself. Byron's GF Caitlin just broke her jaw in a bicycle fall, had to have major surgery and is wired shut and will be laid up for weeks. Poor sweetie. I do adore my daughters-in-love. I should give thanks that I feel healthy and in fact am about to go for a run. Endorphins: miracle mood drug.
All the best to you and yours ~ hugs, hope, and healing ~
Sarah
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