Curiouser and Curiouser
Okay, so I met my friend for lunch and ran some errands with her. Just like we did before her bf. Had an interesting discussion and would have liked to spend the rest of the day talking, but it was not to be. I had to get back to work, and she had stuff to do. Life always seems to get in the way.
I told her that I recognized that my passivity approach did not work. She was not amused. She knows it's not me, and she's not going to allow me to get away with any games. If we talk and I suggest NC, then that's not quite a game, and it would be interesting to see what happens if we have that discussion, which is, admittedly, not likely to happen.
I also told her what I told my therapist earlier this week when she (the therapist) asked me if this was the first time I had love someone like this since I married my wife. As I wrote in an earlier entry, this was an interesting and not so straightforward question. There's no question that my wife and I love each other. But love with a capital L, so to speak? Not so much. We have a 30-year shared history, and not a bad one at that. We have great kids and we operate a business together. I suppose all that is possible with antagonism and enmity, but that's not what's going on. That said, I told my therapist, and I told my friend, that the love I feel now for her (friend, not therapist) is nothing like I felt when I met my wife. She knows I'm head over heels in love with her, but that was a revelation, as it was to me when my therapist brought it up.
While I was on a roll, I asked her if we would have had a chance if I had brought up the question of leaving my wife. That answer threw me for a loop. She said yes. You can imagine where my mind went with this one. I also asked her if she would go away with me for a weekend when I took another break, as I did earlier this week. Again, she said yes. This is going to be the subject of my meeting with the IC next week.
We left with hugs and affirmations of our relationship. I suppose I should update up feeling emoticon, but the reality is that I'm now thinking separation, etc., which opens a whole 'nother can of worms. Bottom line. We're still friends. I would go so far as to say we love and are in love with each other. But she still has her bf, who is going to meet the rest of her children soon. And it still breaks my heart when she talks about him. She knows this, but I don't think it's out of malice that she talks about it. That's who she's spending time with. He's a part of her life, and for the past year she has shared with me details about this part of her life with me. It's just that now it's different. This is a BF, not just a hanging out friend, and I see the potential that in the end I could lose her and the opportunity for what might have been. Of course, the might have been image is riddled with grass is greener and other fantasy thinking. At the same time, to have loved like this is (almost) reward in and of itself.
I told her that I recognized that my passivity approach did not work. She was not amused. She knows it's not me, and she's not going to allow me to get away with any games. If we talk and I suggest NC, then that's not quite a game, and it would be interesting to see what happens if we have that discussion, which is, admittedly, not likely to happen.
I also told her what I told my therapist earlier this week when she (the therapist) asked me if this was the first time I had love someone like this since I married my wife. As I wrote in an earlier entry, this was an interesting and not so straightforward question. There's no question that my wife and I love each other. But love with a capital L, so to speak? Not so much. We have a 30-year shared history, and not a bad one at that. We have great kids and we operate a business together. I suppose all that is possible with antagonism and enmity, but that's not what's going on. That said, I told my therapist, and I told my friend, that the love I feel now for her (friend, not therapist) is nothing like I felt when I met my wife. She knows I'm head over heels in love with her, but that was a revelation, as it was to me when my therapist brought it up.
While I was on a roll, I asked her if we would have had a chance if I had brought up the question of leaving my wife. That answer threw me for a loop. She said yes. You can imagine where my mind went with this one. I also asked her if she would go away with me for a weekend when I took another break, as I did earlier this week. Again, she said yes. This is going to be the subject of my meeting with the IC next week.
We left with hugs and affirmations of our relationship. I suppose I should update up feeling emoticon, but the reality is that I'm now thinking separation, etc., which opens a whole 'nother can of worms. Bottom line. We're still friends. I would go so far as to say we love and are in love with each other. But she still has her bf, who is going to meet the rest of her children soon. And it still breaks my heart when she talks about him. She knows this, but I don't think it's out of malice that she talks about it. That's who she's spending time with. He's a part of her life, and for the past year she has shared with me details about this part of her life with me. It's just that now it's different. This is a BF, not just a hanging out friend, and I see the potential that in the end I could lose her and the opportunity for what might have been. Of course, the might have been image is riddled with grass is greener and other fantasy thinking. At the same time, to have loved like this is (almost) reward in and of itself.
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