Crying again

I am crying again. I just can't stand not being able to reach my children. I know they are grown up(18 &20)but I have never gotten to say good bye to them. I couldn't even if  I did have the chance. My children meant everything to me and I thought they loved me in return. I can't get this computer to work right. Just like I can't make my life work right. I know how they should be, but I can't quite get there. Why do my kids do this to me??? Why do I let them do this to me?? There is a part of me that knows I should just forget them, but the other part can't bear to think they are gone. Why did this happen to me? what did I do to deserve this? I have to figure it out, so others don't have to go through what I am going through. I shouldn't have to be alone. I shouldn't have to be punished like this. But it continues. I guess I am tired and should just go to bed, but I will just keep thinking of them and trying to figure out what I have done wrong. I will continue to cry. I know tomorrow is a new day, but so what? I will still be exactly where I have been for the past 3 years. No where and Nobody.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so sorry. Reading this I could have written this myself. He was my fiance and the complete love of my life. It hurts so deep even time doesn\'t feel like enough to heal what been left broken. All I can say is you\'re not alone~
deleted_user
deleted_user

03/27/2011 10:25am
I am so sorry for the pain you are in. May your love for you children be felt by them and soften their hearts. Please don\'t torture yourself, you did nothing wrong. The blame should be on your ex for the influence he has on them. They will regret, as they mature and think for themselves the pain they have caused you, and themselves.
Please know that I\'m praying for you, and sending you (((hugs))), love and friendship, and peaceful, comforting thoughts to dry your tears.
new2free
new2free

Mac, I am so very very sorry for your pain. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be to be rejected by your children as well, because I know how much my children have been my saving grace through all of this.
I really pray that in time your children will remember all that you have been to them, and will realise what they are missing by having cut themselves off from you, and will choose to make the move to reconnect with you.
If you can just keep praying that this can happen, and that they can mature enough to think for themselves and see how your ex has poisoned their minds towards you with his own anger and resentment.
May all those tears help to ease some of your pain, and do whatever you have to do to comfort yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I pray that you can feel the comfort of God\'s love for you, as He holds you. Big ((hugs))!!
Karenhopeful
Karenhopeful

Sometimes all we have left is time and hope. I also hope with time the children come around.

((((((HUGS)))))))